Come All Ye Lost
by Brandywine421
Summary: Hmm. Language. Ryan tries to help his friends but we all know about his luck...
1. 1

****

AN: This is something I'm going to try and have finished in the next 3 days. Let me know if anyone's interested in this story. There are no ships so far, just friends. It's a few weeks into school. 

Disclaimer: I don't own anything OC related.

"Come all ye lost  
Dive into moss  
I hope that my sanity covers the cost  
to remove the stain of my love  
Paper maché…"  
--Damien Rice "I Remember"

Ryan Atwood stares at his blank notebook as he waits for Seth to pick him up from school. He's sitting on the front steps of his high school trying to work on his daily journal for english class. The Cohens had a family get-together to attend and Ryan had requested that he be excused because of Kirsten's father's undisguised animosity toward him. He rode to school with Marissa and is waiting for Seth who is running late.

"Freak! Get away from me!"

Ryan recognizes Summer's voice from inside the nearly deserted school. He is unsure of whether or not he should investigate. He rarely talks to Summer but she's one of Marissa's best friends and he respects her for standing by the fragile girl. He puts his notebook away and shoulders his backpack when he hears her scream again.

Ryan rushes inside and follows the sound of Summer's pleas toward the girls' bathroom. He hesitates outside the door but a desperate shriek propels him into the forbidden room.

"Ryan!" Summer cries in relief. An unfamiliar boy has her pinned against the wall. Ryan pulls the boy away from her and punches him several times in the face. He stops attacking the boy when he feels Summer clinging to him. Ryan glances down as his bloody fists. The boy is unconscious.

"You alright?" Ryan asks, turning to her.

"Yeah, thank god…let's get the fuck out of here…" Summer is pale and trembling so Ryan puts an arm around her and leads her out of the bathroom into the hallway.

"What happened?" Ryan asks, using the water fountain to wash the kid's blood off his hands. He knows it's unsanitary but Summer is clinging to him and he's not sure if she would go into the boys' bathroom with him.

"Fucking punk followed me in there…" Summer replies, still pale.

"Hey. You're okay now, okay?" Ryan steadies her with his hands on her shoulders. 

"You really have a 'white knight' complex, don't you?" Summer smiles slightly, relaxing.

"Something about Newport brings it out in me," He replies.

"What are you still doing here?"

"Seth's supposed to pick me up…but he's late," Ryan replies.

"Good news for me, I guess," Summer says, quietly.

"Let's go outside before somebody connects us to that kid in there…" Ryan urges, leading her outside. "Sit down." He steadies her to a seat on the steps.

"Oh god…" Summer's skin turns red as the gravity of what she just experienced hits her. 

"Hey. Summer…relax, you're okay…" Ryan puts an arm around her and she starts to cry. She embraces him in a hug and he rubs her back reassuringly. He barely registers the Range Rover pull up and immediately pull away with a squeal of tires.

"Uh oh. I guess I'm walking," Ryan mutters with a sigh. 

"My car's here…I just don't think I'm up for driving right now…" Summer says, still crying.

"Will you let me drive you home?" Ryan asks. She nods. He keeps his arm around her, leading her to the parking lot. She hits a button on her keychain and Ryan follows the sound to her car. 

"Thanks, Ryan…" Summer manages, drying her eyes.

"You sure you're okay?" He asks, opening the door to the passenger seat for her. He gently helps her inside before getting into the driver's seat.

"I just…that's never happened to me before…I should have maced him or something…I just…"

"Hey…" Ryan takes her hand and squeezes it, reassuringly. "You did everything you could do. You're okay and he's not going to bother you anymore."

"Do you always know what to say?" Summer whispers, crying softly.

"No. I'm flying blind here. I'm just glad you screamed. Did he hurt you?" Ryan asks, quietly.

Summer pulls up her sleeve and Ryan glimpses telltale bruises developing on her upper arms. Ryan turns red and Summer notices the flash of anger in his blue eyes. She forgets her tears for a moment. "You would have really hurt that kid, wouldn't you?"

Ryan doesn't respond immediately. "I _did_ really hurt that kid," He says quietly. The car is silent for a while. "Let's just say I have rage blackouts sometimes, too," He smiles.

The car lapses into silence again. "I don't know where you live, Summer. Care to enlighten me?" Ryan asks.

She gives him directions and a little while later, he parks her car in front of her house. "Ryan. Do you mind coming inside? My parents aren't home and I really…I don't want to be alone…will you come in while I call Marissa?"

"Sure," Ryan smiles, following the girl inside the large mansion. Summer staggers suddenly, dizzy but Ryan catches her and guides her with a steadying arm around her waist to the kitchen. He leans her against the counter and quickly passes her a glass of water. 

Summer's skin pales suddenly. "I think I'm going to be sick…" She takes several steps and then leans over the sink. Ryan instinctively takes her long hair in his hand, holding it as she is sick. He's used to taking care of women when they're sick thanks to his mother. 

"Oh, god…this is just embarrassing now," Summer chokes.

"You need to relax, Summer…everything's okay…"

"But he almost…" Summer gasps, breathless.

"Shh…he didn't," Ryan replies. "You're okay now. You're home."

"Yeah…I'm home…" She vomits again. Ryan passes her a paper towel. She seems to recover when she turns to Ryan with her dark brown eyes. "I got you in trouble, didn't I?"

"How's that?" Ryan asks.

"Seth left you…" Summer starts.

"I'll fix it, don't worry. I won't tell him if you don't want me to," Ryan adds, quietly.

"I don't care. You have to tell him so he won't be mad at you. But he has no claim on me…if I wanted you, I could have you," Summer adds.

"That's more like the Summer I'm used to," Ryan smiles.

"Will you do me a favor? I'm going to go get cleaned up. Will you call Marissa for me? See if I can come by when I take you home…" Summer suggests.

"I can stay as long as you need, Summer."

She smiles slightly. "Thanks. I just…I need Marissa to know but I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it yet…"

"Okay, Summer. Go get cleaned up. Call me if you need me…" Ryan offers. 

Ryan uses the cordless phone and dials Marissa. 

"Can I speak to Marissa?" He asks, not recognizing the voice.

"Ryan? Why are you calling from Summer's house?" Marissa asks, sounding alert.

"Long story," Ryan sighs.

"Seth was acting all crazy. He said he saw you guys making out on the front steps of school," Marissa says.

"Summer was attacked today. She's pretty upset," Ryan replies. Marissa gasps. 

"What happened?"

"Some kid followed her into the bathroom. I was sitting outside waiting on Seth and I heard her screaming. She was pretty shaken up…"

"At school? None of the teachers heard?"

"There was nobody around, I think they must have been in a meeting or something. She wanted me to call you and see if she can come over. I don't think she should be alone, Marissa."

"Did you get the kid, Ryan?" Marissa asks, her voice angry.

"I…I got him. We kind of just…left the scene. Seth saw me hugging her outside and he left me so I drove her home. She's taking a shower."

"Is she okay, Ryan?" 

"I don't know. I don't know her that well. She's upset but she's pretty strong."

"Thank god you were there, Ryan…" Marissa starts.

"As soon as she's ready, we'll be over there."

"Do you want me to talk to Seth?"

"No, I'll explain it to him," Ryan replies. He hangs up. Summer returns to the kitchen, dressed drastically different than Ryan has ever seen her. She isn't wearing makeup and her dark hair is pulled back in a wet ponytail. She's wearing a pair of faded baggy jeans and a tank top. The bruises on her arms are shaped like handprints.

Ryan embraces her impulsively, sensing the fragility of the girl. She returns his hug and starts to cry. He holds her and rocks her until her sobs subside. 

"Thank you," She sniffles, still clinging to him. He rubs her back. 

"No problem." He whispers in her ear. "Just don't damage my bad-boy image."

She smiles. "I mean it. Thanks. You're a good friend."

"I'm a friend now?" Ryan asks, releasing her so she can sit down on a stool.

"Yeah. You are. What did Marissa say?" She asks.

"That she'll be waiting for you. Oh, and that Seth saw us making out in front of the school," Ryan responds. Summer stares at him, stunned. "So I guess we're more than friends, right?" He teases. 

"Shut up. You're friend is insane. Why is he obsessed with me?" Summer asks, her color returning.

"He's not insane. He just likes you a lot. You're his crush, that's all. He's also pretty high strung. Don't hold it against him."

"I know, he's a good guy and all…but you have to admit that he's only a few steps away from being classified a 'stalker'."

"He's harmless, Summer," Ryan grins. 

"Yeah. He would never follow me into the bathroom and try to…" She starts to cry, holding out her arms to display the bruising. "Look at my arms…"

"Hey, Summer, it's okay. Nothing happened to you, okay? You need a jacket, that's all…" Ryan takes off his jacket and drapes it around her shoulders. "See? All better. You're still intact."

She smiles. "Thanks." Tears still linger in her eyes, but she is calmer. "You ready?"

"If you are. You sure you're ready?" 

She disappears for an instant, returning with a backpack. "Yeah. Ready."

*****

Ryan drops his backpack in the pool house after making sure Summer got over to Marissa's okay. He tried to talk to Seth, but the teenager wouldn't open his door. Kirsten and Sandy each asked him what was wrong but he didn't confide in them. He would like to talk to Seth about what happened, but there's nothing that he can do. He starts on his homework, absently listening to the radio through his headphones. He glances up around midnight, startled at the passage of time. Marissa and Summer are waving at him from outside the door. He waves them inside.

"Ryan…Summer's going to go to the principal in the morning and tell her what happened. Do you think this kid will come after her?" Marissa asks, steadying Summer as they sit down on the couch. 

"Did you know him? Had you ever seen him before?" Ryan asks, having already considered this earlier.

"He's a freshman…he runs with the jocks…I've seen him with Luke a few times but he's not somebody that I would know," Summer replies, timidly.

"Hey, don't worry about it, okay? I'll have your back. He won't be at school for a few days anyway…"Ryan replies, quietly.

"You beat him up bad?" Marissa asks.

"I know I broke his nose…" Ryan mutters.

"How?" Marissa asks. Summer is watching his reaction.

"It makes a very unique sound. It's not something you ever forget," Ryan replies.

"So you think he'll leave me alone?" Summer whispers.

"Sure he will. Or else he'll face the wrath of Ryan, right?" Marissa reassures her. 

"Right," Ryan says, squeezing her hand.

"You're not going to get into trouble, are you, Ryan? For helping me? Marissa says…she says you're not supposed to fight," Summer stammers, anxious.

"It'll be okay. I think the Cohens will understand," Ryan replies. "Everything will work out. Okay?"

"See? I told you," Marissa smiles, giving Ryan a relieved look. 

"Why don't you go get some sleep? I'll see you guys in the morning. Do you want me to go to the office with you? Like, as a witness?" Ryan offers. "I mean, I'm kind of involved. I beat that kid up."

"Yeah. Do you mind?" Summer asks, instantly.

"No problem. I'll be ready at 7:30, okay?" Ryan replies.

"Okay, we'll be over to get you," Marissa promises. She exits with Summer after they both embrace him briefly. Ryan stands outside, making sure they get next door okay. Sandy startles him, walking up.

"Little late for company," Sandy says.

"I need to talk to you," Ryan states, quietly. "I think I'm in trouble."

Sandy is immediately concerned. "What kind of trouble?"

"If…I got into a fight…at school…how much damage would that do to my probation?" Ryan asks, quietly.

"Ryan…why…what happened?"

"I…"

"Tell me what happened," Sandy repeats, with a sigh.

"I was waiting for Seth and I heard a scream. I heard Summer's scream. So I followed her voice and I found her in the bathroom…some guy had her pinned against the wall…She was screaming, Mr. Cohen. He was hurting her. there were no teachers around…so I took care of it."

Sandy's face is surprised.

"I…I couldn't stop myself. I mean…I mangled the kid's face before Summer stopped me. We left right after that, she was really upset…and…" Ryan sighs, shielding his face. "It was wrong. I know. I have to keep my anger under control. I was just…I had to get him off her and I wasn't thinking straight."

"Okay, Ryan. So…you guys left the kid on the bathroom floor? What if he's dead, Ryan?"

"I didn't kill him, Mr. Cohen, damn…" Ryan replies, startled. "He was still breathing. I promised Summer that I'd go with her to the principal's office tomorrow so she can report him. So, in the morning, I'm officially busted."

Sandy is pensive. "Dammit, Ryan…you keep seeing how far you can push us, don't you?"

Ryan's eyes flash and Sandy is startled by the hurt he sees in the teenager's eyes. 

"I'm sorry, Ryan, I know you were only doing the right thing…" Sandy apologizes.

"No. You're right. I should have found another way. I'll deal with it. If I get expelled, I'll get expelled. I just thought you should know…" Ryan turns away, his face expressionless. "I'm going to bed."

"Ryan, wait, I'll help you…"

"No. That's okay. I'll handle it. I'll call my P.O. in the morning after I find out something, all right? See what happens now." He disappears into the pool house before Sandy can stop him.

*****

Sandy comes to find Ryan the next morning to discover that he has already left with the girls. Seth is eating cereal in the kitchen when Sandy returns.

"Did you see where Ryan went?" Sandy asks.

"Nope," Seth replies. 

"Why are you angry with him? Did you talk to him about what happened yesterday?" Sandy asks, confused at the tension between his son and his foster son.

"How do you know what happened yesterday?" Seth asks, dropping his spoon in surprise.

"Ryan told me. I'm his attorney so he thought he should fill me in," Sandy replies. 

"He thinks he needs a lawyer?" Seth is confused.

"He's going to be lucky if he can stay out of juvie," Sandy sighs, exiting the kitchen.

At school, Summer follows Ryan into the principal's office. Marissa is waiting outside. Ryan had explained the urgency of their meeting and convinced the principal to see them. Summer is clinging to Ryan's arm as they sit down beside each other. 

The principal is a very nice older lady. "Summer? Mr. Atwood says that you have something important to tell me."

"Go ahead," Ryan urges. Summer's hand finds Ryan's hand and clenches it. 

"Yesterday, I stayed late to finish up a chemistry lab that the teacher said I had to finish before I could leave. I went to the bathroom and this guy followed me in…" The principal is startled. "He pushed me against the wall…he was saying all kinds of…nasty things to me. I started screaming and then Ryan heard me. He came in and got the guy off me. Then we left," Summer says, quickly.

"See? Not so hard," Ryan smiles at her, gently.

"What time was this, Summer?" The principal asks, flushed with concern.

Summer glances at Ryan. "Around…four?"

"Four fifteen, I think," Ryan nods.

"We were all in a meeting…no one else saw anything?" The principal questions. 

"No one was around. I panicked and Ryan…he took me home. My friends convinced me to tell you what happened," Summer whispers, still upset. "If Ryan hadn't been there…"

"Okay, Summer. Did you recognize the boy?" The principal asks, concerned.

"I think he's a freshman…I don't know his name."

"Summer, show her…go ahead, okay?" Ryan whispers. 

Summer is still wearing Ryan's jacket and he helps her take it off. The principal gasps, seeing the bruising on her arms. She pulls the coat back on after the principal sees it. Summer squeezes Ryan's hand again.

"Okay, kids. I'm going to pull the security cameras from yesterday afternoon and try to identify the boy that attacked you…"

Ryan clears his throat. "If he's at school today…he probably won't be that hard to find."

"Ryan was just protecting me…" Summer starts. Ryan calms her down.

The principal is confused. "I'm sorry?"

"When I pulled him away from Summer…I hit him a few times. In the face," Ryan admits. 

Slowly, the principal nods. "Okay. I'm going to start taking care of this. Mr. Atwood, you're aware that I'll have to notify your probation officer…"

"He's expecting your call," Ryan replies, ignoring Summer's alarmed expression.

"He didn't do anything wrong," Summer starts again.

"Hey. I told you that it's okay, Summer. Let her take care of it," Ryan soothes Summer. She relaxes. The principal observes them, impressed. 

"Are you sure you feel okay being at school today?" The principal asks Summer.

"Yeah. Marissa's here and Ryan…you're not kicking him out, are you?" Summer asks, calmer.

"Fighting is not tolerated in this school but in this circumstance…I'm going to talk with my associates and his teachers…" The principal begins.

"But I'm suspended, right?" Ryan asks.

"I'm sorry. It's school policy…" The principal apologizes, looking sincere.

"But…"

"It's alright, Summer. I get the day off. It's fine," Ryan smiles at her, reassuringly. "Everything will work out, okay?"

"Ryan, do you want me to call someone to pick you up?" The principal offers.

"No. That's okay. I already told my…guardians…what happened. It's not a long walk," Ryan replies. 

"Summer, you and Marissa can wait in the guidance counselor's office. I don't want you going to class until we apprehend the boy that attacked you. Summer, why didn't your parents call me?" The principal asks.

Ryan glares at her, scolding her with his eyes for her insensitivity. Summer has started to cry. "Her parents aren't home," He says quietly, putting an arm around her and letting her cry into his shoulder. The principal nods in understanding. "She's staying with Marissa."

Summer recovers herself. "I left my mom a message with her answering service…"

"Okay. Ryan can walk with you ladies to the guidance office and then he needs to leave school grounds until further notice. I'll be down in a little while to talk to you, okay, Summer?"

She nods. Ryan steadies her out of the office and she immediately embraces Marissa who stands up.

"Everything okay?" Marissa questions, her eyes searching Ryan's face. 

"Everything's going to be fine," Ryan answers. 

"Ryan's suspended and they're calling his…" Summer starts.

"I told you. I'm dealing with it, okay?" Ryan cuts her off before she can continue. He turns to Marissa. "I'm going to walk you guys to the guidance office and that's where you're going to wait for the principal."

"Dammit, Summer, I spend every other day in that office, what are you doing to me?" Marissa teases her friend as they exit the office. 

The hallway is empty when they step out because everyone is in class. Ryan takes them to the guidance office and then collects the rest of his things from his locker. He starts walking home, his mind swirling with his suspension and his P.O.'s pessimistic outlook on his latest transgression. 

Ryan is halfway home when he feels something slam into his skull. There's the sound of glass shattering and then he sees a bright light and then everything is dark.

*****

Seth drops his backpack in the living room when he arrives home after school. He didn't see Ryan, Marissa or Summer all day. He knows that he's missed something important because of his jealousy the day before, but he couldn't catch up to anyone to find out the story. Ryan didn't come out after school while Seth waited for him so he decided to return home to wait. As soon as Seth opens the fridge, there's a knock on the door. He opens it and is surprised to find Marissa and Summer.

"Hey, Seth. Where's Ryan?" Marissa asks immediately, looking past him.

"I don't know, he didn't come out after school…"

"He's suspended, they sent him home at like 8:30 this morning," Summer replies. "He didn't talk to you."

"What?" Seth asks, confused.

"You're still all pissed at him. You don't even know what happened," Summer realizes.

"Why is he suspended?" Seth asks, ignoring her cold look.

"Somebody attacked me yesterday. Ryan saved me, he heard me screaming. But he kind of…beat up the guy that was fucking with me. The principal had to suspend him. They sent us home at like, noon, because they can't find the kid that was messing with me. Where's Ryan?" Summer demands.

"He's not here. Come in. Are you okay?" Seth's voice is dripping with concern and regret. "He was trying to talk to me last night…but I was being a punk. Where do you think he is?"

"There was some stuff with his probation officer," Marissa says, following Seth into the kitchen.

"There's no way my dad would let him go to juvie again," Seth says. 

"He's not going to juvie," Sandy announces entering. He pats his son on the back and gently touches Summer's arm. "Are you alright?"

Summer smiles. "Yeah. I'm okay. Ryan's not in trouble?" 

"No. I spoke with his probation officer and the principal today. He's going to be suspended for a week but there are no other repercussions. Where is he?" Sandy asks.

"He's not here. He should have been here early this morning, but we haven't seen him. When we saw Seth's car pull in we came over."

"Where do you think he would go?" Seth asks.

"I don't know. He should be here," Summer answers before anyone else. "Something's wrong."

*****


	2. 2

*****

Ryan's first sensation is pain. He sits up and puts his hand to his pounding head. It's dark. No, it's red. Sticky. Ryan's hand doesn't feel anything except his stiff hair. It's clumped with blood. 

"Fuck." Ryan blinks the stars out of his eyes. He realizes that its night, late night and he has no idea where he is. He knows he's outside. He glances around him until he spots a payphone. He tries to get up, but he doesn't have the strength. He is covered in blood. His jeans are stuck to his skin. He gingerly touches his head again and feels small hard things imbedded in his scalp. Glass. Someone hit him with a bottle. They must have knocked him out and then gave him a beating worthy of AJ. 

Ryan takes several deep breaths, ignoring the growing pain in his chest and stomach. He forces himself to stand. His knee is busted. It is swollen and barely supports his waist. Ryan feels a strain in his abdomen and realizes that he's been cut. Stabbed. Ryan doesn't have the strength to pull his backpack along. He staggers to the payphone and dials the Cohen's number, struggling to see the numbers with his double vision. He puts a bloody hand against the phone to hold himself upright.

"Hello?"

"Seth?"

"Thank god, Ryan, where are you?"

"Um…" Ryan glances around to try and see a street sign. He doesn't recognize his location in the dark.

"Are you okay?" Seth asks, suddenly.

"Um…" Ryan starts but he hears a new voice.

"Ryan?" Kirsten's voice is concerned. "Ryan, where are you? What happened?"

"I think…I think somebody jumped me…" Ryan manages, not recognizing his slurred voice. 

"Are you alright?" She demands.

"There's a lot of blood…I think…I think I've been out a while…" Ryan replies. He loses his strength for a minute and drops the phone as he slumps to his knees. He recovers enough to put the phone back to his ear. 

"Ryan?" Kirsten's voice is panicked.

"Hey. I'm okay…"

"You don't sound okay, Ryan, tell me where you are…" Kirsten's voice starts to get more distant. 

"I don't know…" Ryan manages before dropping the phone and going limp. His head bounces off the concrete for the second time that day.

*****

Sandy and Kirsten are standing in the kitchen, worried. Marissa, Summer and Seth are all passed out in the den, exhausted from their all night search for Ryan. After the phone call, Sandy and Seth had driven around but did not find him. The hospitals had no one admitted matching Ryan's description. Now, it's ten am and everyone is exhausted.

"I don't know, Kirsten…I don't know what to do…" Sandy is saying with his arm around his wife The phone rings and Kirsten grabs it. 

'Yes?" Kirsten answers.

"Can I speak to Sandy Cohen?" Kirsten passes him the phone, still optimistic. 

"Yes?" Sandy answers.

"This is Steve, Sandy. They found Ryan across town late last night. He was unconscious and they couldn't find any i.d. on him so they thought he was a runaway…" Steve is Ryan's probation officer. "They reported it to me just a few minutes ago when they ran his prints."

"What hospital?" Sandy asks. Kirsten gasps.

"HOAG."

"Did they tell you how he was?"

"He's still unconscious. He was stabbed and has a very serious head injury. They had to do some surgery on him to stop some internal bleeding. He's in ICU and I've let the doctor know that you're his legal guardian. They're going to page him when you get there."

"Thanks, Steve," Sandy sighs. He hangs up. "He's at HOAG. In ICU. Do you want to wake the kids?"

"Too late. What happened?" Seth is standing in the doorway and Summer is gripping his arm, panicked.

"We don't know. He didn't have any i.d. on him so the cops thought he was a runaway. He's in the hospital, in ICU. I don't have a problem with you guys coming, but you won't be able to see him."

"ICU?" Marissa gasps and Summer takes her arm.

"Sandy and I are going to the hospital. I need you guys to stay here until we call, okay? I don't know what we're going to need and I could really use you guys here. As soon as we hear something we'll call you." Kirsten says, her purse already on her arm.

"Okay, Mom. We'll wait here. If you don't call us in an hour, we're coming down there," Seth replies after a pause. Sandy and Kirsten bolt for the door.

"This is my fault," Summer says after a pause. 

"What?"

"If I hadn't gotten him suspended…" Summer starts.

"Summer. You didn't get him suspended…" Marissa scolds.

"Hey," Seth starts. "Ryan 's the type of guy that would go out of his way to help anyone who needed it. You didn't make him do anything. I thought you said that you guys had bonded…" Seth teases.

"But if he wasn't suspended he wouldn't be walking home…" Summer starts.

"Hey. This isn't your fault. It's whoever jumped him…" Marissa interrupts.

"Wait." Seth freezes. He turns to look at the girls. "Ryan's a pretty tough guy. Somebody must have snuck up on him. Caught him by surprise…who would want to hurt him?"

"What are you talking about?" Summer demands, confused.

"That punkass that Ryan beat down. I bet that's who got him. I bet he waited for him to leave the school and he jumped him," Seth starts. Marissa and Summer pale.

"You don't seriously think…" Summer breathes.

"You might be right. I mean, the kid hasn't shown up at school…he was probably lying low. I bet he was waiting for Ryan to be vulnerable…" Marissa agrees, sitting down on a bar stool.

"Don't let him hear you say that he was vulnerable…he'd probably kick your ass for that…" Seth tries to lighten the mood. 

"This sucks…I mean…he's in ICU…ICU!" Summer shrieks suddenly, upset. "We just got Marissa out of ICU and now…"

Seth takes her by the shoulders and shakes her gently. His voice is trembling but he is trying to stay strong. "Listen to me. Ryan's been through a lot worse than this, okay? We're not going to lose him." He is surprised when Summer nods and embraces him.

"God, Seth…he took care of me…" Summer whispers. She is still wearing Ryan's jacket. 

*****

"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen? I'm Dr. Harris. I treated Ryan last night when he was admitted." The doctor is a young well-dressed man. 

"How is he? What happened?" Kirsten demands. Sandy quiets her with a hand on her arm.

"Ryan hasn't woken up since he was brought in. He was hit with a bottle of some kind and it looks as if he hit his head against something like the sidewalk or a wall that caused his concussion. We've been watching him closely to make sure that his brain isn't swelling. He suffered a few cracked ribs and a collapsed lung and we repaired some minor internal bleeding…"

"What do you mean by minor?" Kirsten asks, calmer.

"He was stabbed in the abdomen and we had to repair the damage done internally. None of his organs were affected. He's a very strong boy," The doctor continues.

"Then why hasn't he woken up?" Sandy asks. 

"Following surgery, the anesthetic has different results for different patients. He should be waking up at any time now."

"What else?" Sandy questions.

The doctor sighs. "His knee was injured, but it should heal on its own. There are also a lot of lacerations that we've stitched on various places on his body. He should be fine but we won't know until he wakes up."

"Can we see him?" Kirsten questions.

"Sure. I'll let you both go in for a moment, but only one of you can stay with him. Also, risk management will need to speak to you concerning the surgery we performed without your consent…"

"I'm a lawyer. Set up a meeting and I'll deal with it," Sandy mutters. "Where's Ryan?"

Kirsten freezes in the doorway to Ryan's room seeing his condition. Sandy steadies her.

Ryan's skin is deathly pale and there is an oxygen mask covering his face. His eyes are closed and sunken in. There are stitches on the edge of his hairline as well as his neck, upper chest and right arm. He is hooked up to several machines, one of which is beeping every time his heart beats. 

"You okay?" Sandy whispers.

"Who would do this?" She gasps, pulling up the chair and reaching for his hand. An IV is in his hand and she hesitates. She steadies herself and gently takes his hand. "Ryan? Ryan, its Kirsten. It's time for you to wake up, okay?"

"Yeah, kid…wake up…" Sandy seems speechless.

"God, Sandy…" She starts to examine Ryan for herself, gently touching the stitches on his arm and brushing his hair from his face. He doesn't stir. 

"I know he looks bad, but as soon as he wakes up we're going to move him from ICU into a regular room…" The doctor says, breaking the silence. 

"And you don't know why he's not waking up?" Sandy asks, frustrated.

"I wouldn't worry too much. He'll wake up when he's ready. I'll be back in a few minutes to check on him and I'll go into more details about his injuries and his recovery…" Dr. Harris says.

"I need to call my son. Can you show me a phone?" Sandy asks, leaving his wife alone with Ryan.

"Poor boy…" Kirsten murmurs, holding his hand. She sits patiently and listens to the machine echoing his heartbeat. "Aren't you ready to wake up?" She asks after a few more minutes. Finally, she resigns herself in for a long wait. 

*****

Ryan's fighting. He's fighting harder than he's ever fought before. He can't see who he's fighting and he doesn't know why, all he knows is that he's in pain. He hurts and he has to get away before they kill him.

"Ryan, calm down…please…"

He recognizes a voice and tries to see through the darkness. He can't put a name to the face, but he feels better hearing it. 

"Ryan? Can you hear me? Open your eyes for me…" 

Kirsten. Kirsten's talking to him. He tries to remember but all he knows is that he hurts and he can't move. "Let me go…" He manages to cough.

"Stop fighting us and we'll take the restraints off, okay?" An unfamiliar voice urges him.

"Ryan. You're in the hospital. Calm down and I'll explain everything, okay? Just relax…" Kirsten's voice is close to his ear. 

He forces himself to calm down. His arms and legs are apparently restrained against the bed. He tries to take a deep breath but pain takes his air. He tries again and finally forces his eyes open. He blinks and finally focuses on a fluorescent light fixture above him.

"Welcome back. You think you're ready to cooperate?" A nurse asks him.

Ryan glances at her, dizzy. He has to blink several times to focus on her face. "I didn't know I was being uncooperative…" He replies, quietly. He feels them release his wrists and ankles from the restraints. 

"Ryan…I'm right here," Kirsten calls, standing behind a nurse, looking visibly relieved. 

"Ryan, can you follow the light for me?" The nurse calls for his attention again. 

Ryan hates hospitals. He can feel himself tensing up now that he's aware of where he is. He's always hated them. He hates doctors and he hates this place. 

"Come on, Ryan, I know you're a little grumpy but try for me, okay?" The nurse urges. Ryan obeys, following the light with his eyes. "That's a good boy."

"What did you do to me?" Ryan asks, starting to sit up but the nurses that surround him stop him. 

"You got into a fight, Ryan, remember?" Kirsten calls, trying to calm him. "Can I have a minute with him?" She asks the nurses.

"We need to get the doctor anyway. We'll be right back, Ryan," The nurse smiles. Kirsten takes her place at his side.

"Ryan?"

"Mrs. Cohen, you've got to get me out of here…I can't take these places…I need to…I have to go…" Ryan stammers, trying to get up.

"Okay, Ryan…can you calm down for me? I'm going to tell you what happened, okay? Just relax, alright?" Kirsten soothes. 

Ryan forces himself to calm down. Kirsten watches him, amazed at the visible change in his features as he gets control. "Okay."

"What do you remember?" Kirsten asks, gently.

"I…I got suspended. I was walking home and then I blacked out. I think somebody hit me. Felt like a bottle or something," Ryan whispers. "But I remember calling you guys, I told you I was okay…"

"But you didn't tell us where you were, Ryan. The police found you and brought you in. We didn't find out until this morning…"

"What day is it?" Ryan asks, more alert.

"Don't worry about any of that, okay? You're hurt, Ryan. You've been unconscious for a long time. You need to stay here a while, okay? You had surgery and they need to make sure that you're safe before we can take you home."

Ryan starts to protest but stops before speaking. He nods. He doesn't want to stay but the Cohens are in charge of him now. He has to do what they say. 

"You don't like hospitals?"

"That's an understatement. Why can't I breathe?" Ryan asks.

"You had a collapsed lung, they only took you off oxygen a little while ago. The doctor's coming in to explain everything to you." Kirsten glances at him. "I want you to promise me something."

Ryan raises an eyebrow.

"Tell him the truth, Ryan. The more honest you are with the doctor, the sooner he'll let you go home…can you do that?" Kirsten urges. 

Ryan glances away. "I'll try," He whispers.

Sandy steps inside. "Is it true?"

"Hey, Mr. Cohen," Ryan says, not even trying to smile. 

"Welcome back…damn, it's good to see you awake," Sandy sighs in relief. 

"Good for you, maybe…" Ryan holds up his hands, examining the tubes and stitches. "How long do I have to stay here?"

Kirsten catches Sandy's curious glance. "Ryan, you're going to be fine. We'll have you home in a few days…"

"Days…" Ryan mutters. He closes his eyes and puts his arm across his face.

The doctor enters with his entourage of nurses and Sandy and Kirsten step outside. When the doctor exits about 20 minutes later, Sandy lets him fill Kirsten in while he returns to Ryan.

Ryan is sitting silently in the bed, staring at the wall. 

"Ryan? Ryan." Sandy is calling his name.

"Yeah?"

"What's up? Are you in pain?" Sandy asks, concerned by the boy's blank expression.

Ryan grimaces, his eyes hard. "No. I hate hospitals. I want out."

Sandy nods slowly, listening.

Ryan closes his eyes and puts his IV'd hand against his face. "It's like jail…I can't escape…it's like I can't breathe…"

Sandy is startled. He didn't know that Ryan's phobia was so strong.

Ryan sighs. "I'm really trying not to freak out."

"Okay, Ryan. I'll talk to the doctor."

"Is Seth here?" Ryan asks, suddenly.

"He's in the waiting room."

"Will you tell him I'm okay?" Ryan asks, visibly composed as he lowers his hand.

"I told him but he doesn't believe me," Sandy replies.

"Tell him that I said it," Ryan replies, trembling.

"Ryan. How can I get you to relax?" Sandy asks, worried.

"I…I really fucking hate hospitals…" Ryan replies. Sandy leaves him alone after giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. Ryan relaxes slightly when he's alone and closes his eyes. The darkness calms him. He can't take normal deep breaths because of his ribs and lung but he tries. 

"Ryan?"

He opens his eyes and examines his mother.

"Ryan…you're okay…"

"Sorry to disappoint you," Ryan replies, coldly. "How'd you know I was here?"

"They called me. When they brought you in, or when they found out who you were, anyway. I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner…" Dawn says, approaching his bed.

Ryan holds his hand up and she stops. "What are you doing here?"

Her face hardens. "I was worried about you."

"No, you weren't. Curious maybe but not worried." Ryan pauses, pain washing through him. "Do the Cohens know you're here?"

"No. I just wanted to see you…" Dawn replies.

Ryan holds up both his hands. "Here I am. You got what you came for."

Dawn gasps. "Why are you being this way?"

Ryan doesn't reply. He turns his face away from her, not meeting her gaze.

Dawn approaches his bed and stands in front of him. "I don't know what these people are telling you, what they're teaching you," She starts, her voice low and serious. "But you are my son. My blood runs in your veins and no matter how much you want to be a member of these rich people's family, you're still my son."

Ryan stares at his mother, not reacting.

"You think you're better than me now?" Dawn hisses. "'Cause I made you. Everything you are is what I made you."

The door swings open slowly. Seth steps inside, a look of surprise on his face when he recognizes Dawn. "Everything okay in here?"

"Fine," Ryan answers, his blue eyes locked with his mother.

Seth hesitates.

"Dawn was just leaving," Ryan states. Dawn frowns, blushing with anger. Seth gasps as she draws her hand back to slap him but Ryan catches her wrist. "Don't touch me."

Dawn seems to snap out of her anger as Ryan releases her wrist. 

"Thanks for coming by," Ryan says, emotionless. Dawn rushes from the room leaving Seth stunned.

Ryan closes his eyes and seems to deflate, sinking back into the bed. "Seth? Close the door."

Seth snaps out of his trance and closes the door, going to Ryan's side. "Damn, man, you look like hell," Seth says quietly.

"I feel worse."

"What did your mom say to you?" Seth asks.

"Nothing," Ryan replies instantly.

"Ryan…" Seth scolds.

"Forget it, Seth," Ryan states, cold. "I'm not talking about it. She's gone." 

"Are you alright, Ryan?" Seth asks, sensing the tension thicken in the room. 

"I can't be here," Ryan says suddenly. He starts to pull out his IV but Seth stops him.

"Hey, wait…" 

"I can't be here…I can't be in this hospital…" Ryan mutters, his eyes glazed. Seth is startled, seeing the loss of control of his friend.

"Ryan," Seth says sternly. "Chill." 

Ryan stops struggling. "What?"

"You're freaking out. Chill. You don't like hospitals?" He asks quietly, once he recognizes that Ryan is more lucid.

"God, I hate them…I always freak out…I can't handle them…all the doctors and nurses in your face…" Ryan whispers. "They used to sedate me so I wouldn't freak out but that doesn't even work anymore…"

"I think if you chill out they'll probably let you leave a lot faster," Seth says, quietly. He points to the monitor that is measuring Ryan's heartbeat. The sound is off but the rhythm is still displayed. "I know they're watching this. Mom said it was off the charts when you first starting waking up. Like you were having a nightmare or something."

"I can't freak out," Ryan repeats to himself.

"Marissa and Summer are in the waiting room. I told them I was going to get them some coffee but I had to come see you for myself," Seth says.

"Summer's here, too?"

"Yeah, there's huge drama between them on who gets to wear your jacket," Seth smiles.

Ryan seems to relax, distracted from the hospital issue for a moment. "Seth, nothing's going on with Summer and me…"

"I know. She explained it all to me. I shouldn't have gotten angry and I'm sorry. Maybe I could've had your back if I hadn't been such a punk," Seth apologizes.

Ryan glances around, starting to panic again. 

"Don't freak out, Ryan, just keep talking," Seth suggests.

"You talk enough for the both of us," Ryan mutters. Seth grins.

Kirsten steps into the room, flushed. "Ryan…"

"Everything's okay, Mom," Seth says quickly, seeing that she is upset.

"Seth stopped in to visit," Ryan says quietly.

"Anyone else stop in?" Kirsten asks. Seth glances at Ryan.

"When can I go home?" Ryan asks, not answering her question.

Kirsten sighs, joining her son by the bed. "The doctors want you to stay a couple of days, Ryan. To make sure you're healing okay."

Ryan closes his eyes and Seth and Kirsten are startled by the pained expression that flashes across his face. 

"Ryan?" Kirsten calls, worried.

"Okay. That's fine," Ryan states, opening his eyes. 

"Really?" Seth asks.

"Yeah. I'm okay," Ryan nods. Kirsten accepts it, sitting down but Seth notices something in Ryan's eyes. He seems to be shutting down. 


	3. 3

*****

Ryan becomes more and more withdrawn as the day goes on. By the next morning, he won't respond to anyone except Seth and even that is a struggle to get him to react. 

Kirsten is too upset to sit with him so Marissa and Summer took her home the night before. Sandy and Seth stay with Ryan and watch him stare blankly at the ceiling.

Sandy is dozing slightly on the pullout bed and Seth is sitting beside Ryan. 

"You are scaring the shit out of me," Seth states suddenly. Sandy jolts awake, startled. 

Ryan doesn't respond.

"I know you don't like hospitals. But this is beyond freaking out. This is just fucked-up. You want Marissa to come in and see you like this? Like you're in a fucking coma?" Seth continues.

"Seth…" Sandy scolds, seeing no response from Ryan.

"Snap out of it. You're the one that's supposed to be keeping everything under control. I saw you face down your mother without a flinch yesterday and now you can't even hold a conversation…" Seth continues.

"Seth. It's not working. Let's step outside." Sandy pulls his son from the room into the hallway. "I know you're upset…"

"I'm just trying to get him to snap out of it. I mean…he's getting worse and if he doesn't snap out of it soon…what if he stays like that?" Seth vents, upset.

A nurse pushes past them, entering Ryan's room.

"Seth, I realize that you're worried about him, I am too, but I think he's just dealing with his fear of hospitals the best he can. He's going to be okay," Sandy reassures Seth. 

"But he won't even acknowledge that we're here," Seth protests.

"He knows we're here…" Sandy says. "We just have to give him time."

Seth sighs, but nods. They step back into the room. The nurse smiles at them, turning to Sandy.

"The doctor's on his way down. He has some things he needs to go over with you," She tells him before leaving.

Seth glances at Ryan who is still silent.

"I'm going to go call your mother. Will you be alright here?" Sandy asks quietly.

"Yeah," Seth responds. Sandy leaves him alone with Ryan.

Seth sighs, sitting down. He closes his eyes to try and halt his building tension headache.

"The last time I was in a hospital, I died," Ryan says suddenly. Seth opens his eyes and finds Ryan looking at him, his blue eyes lucid for the first time in hours.

"What?"

"I died. For like, three minutes. I just can't take being here…I'm sorry that I'm upsetting everyone but I…this is like déjà vu all over again…" Ryan explains. He takes a deep breath. "Where's your dad?"

"He's calling Mom. I'm sorry, Ryan…what happened last time?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Ryan replies.

"You don't want to talk at all, Ryan," Seth jokes. 

Ryan sighs. He covers his face. "My dad beat the hell out of me. He knocked me through a sliding glass door. I lost a lot of blood before my mom could sober up enough to drop me off at the ER. It just so happened that the hospital was running low on blood or something…my parents, they just bounced, they didn't want to get into trouble for beating the fuck out of me so they couldn't donate…" Ryan smiles dryly. "With all the drugs in their system, I couldn't have used their blood anyway…"

"Damn, Ryan…" Seth breathes, stunned.

"Anyway, it took a while before I could get a transfusion and when they were working on me, there were complications…I was pretty out of it, I just…I knew I was dying, Seth…I felt…" Ryan's skin is paler when he lowers his arm. "I don't get scared often, Seth, but hospitals scare the fuck out of me…" 

"I don't know what to say…"

"I'll be okay once I'm out of here, Seth…I just need some time to pull myself together…"

"Where do you go, Ryan?" Seth asks after a long silence.

"Inside. I just shut down," Ryan replies. "Believe me…it's scarier in there than out here."

"Then why don't you try? I won't let them kill you this time," Seth says quietly.

Ryan sighs. "I know it's stupid…"

"It's not stupid, Ryan. But you don't have to be scared. You're not in any danger. Not now," Seth says.

"Not now?" Ryan responds, curious.

Seth hesitates. "I mean…you're not with your mom anymore. Dawn can't hurt you…"

"I don't want to talk about this…where's Mrs. Cohen?" Ryan asks, evading Seth's statement.

"Marissa and Summer took her home. She was upset. She didn't know what to do for you," Seth admits. 

"Damn. I really must be out of it…" Ryan mutters. 

"She'll get over it. But you better go ahead and accept that she's going to be breathing down your neck until you get back to full speed," Seth replies. 

"They catch that guy that was after Summer?" Ryan asks, tiredly.

Seth hesitates. 

"What?"

"Do you know who attacked you, Ryan?" Seth asks.

Ryan narrows his eyes. "No, I didn't see them. They got me from behind." 

Seth nods. "They haven't tracked him down yet.

"Wait a second," Ryan says slowly. "You think that punk kid is the one that fucked me up?"

"I haven't said anything to Dad, but yeah. That's what I think. Who else would have jumped you, Ryan?"

"Fucking 'A…when I get out of this place…" Ryan mutters.

"You'll do what? Ryan, he almost killed you. The cops are looking for whoever attacked you for attempted murder. This is serious, Ryan," Seth says quietly.

Ryan raises an eyebrow. "You guys…you always involve the cops for a simple fight?"

"You call this a simple fight?" Seth replies, stunned. 

Ryan shrugs. 

"You almost died."

"If I stay in this hospital any longer, Seth…I will die…" Ryan mutters.

******

Sandy returns from meeting with the doctor. He is surprised when he steps inside to see Ryan and Seth talking.

"You're back with us?" Sandy smiles, grateful to see Ryan snapped out of his near-catatonia.

"For the moment. Any news?" Ryan asks, with a half-smile. 

"Good news and bad news."

"Bad news first," Ryan sighs. 

"You're going to be seeing a lot of doctors in the future. Like every day…"  
"Dad?" Seth calls.

"But you can go home. The doctors have released you, conditionally. You're going to be checked up on daily for at least a week but because…"

"They're letting me out because I freaked?" Ryan asks, surprised. "Halle-fucking-lujah."

"They're letting you out because Dad freaked about you freaking," Seth smiles, reading something on his father's face. 

"Yeah. That's one way to put it." Sandy brushes Ryan's hair from his forehead tenderly. 

"Thanks. I'll do whatever you say…" Ryan sighs, relieved. 

"Really?" Sandy teases.

"Ryan, please tell me that you didn't just say that," Seth teases. 

"I'll do anything to get out of here…" Ryan sighs. 

"Dr. Harris is working on the paperwork and a couple of nurses are coming by to help you get out of bed. You're not going to be doing anything for a while, Ryan…you have to stay in bed as much as you can so you won't rip out the stitches in your stomach," Sandy explains. Ryan's color is returning for the first time since Sandy saw him in the hospital.

"That's fine. Thanks, Mr. Cohen," Ryan gives him a small smile.

"Ryan, since you're…talking again…can I ask why you hate hospitals so much?" Sandy asks.

Ryan hesitates. "Seth can fill you in. I don't really want to tell the story again."

"Okay…" Sandy replies, surprised that Ryan has confided in someone. Several nurses come in to get Ryan ready for discharge. Seth and Sandy step outside. 

"How'd you get Ryan talking?" Sandy asks his son.

Seth shrugs. "He just started talking. He told me why he's afraid of hospitals. His dad threw him through a window and then they dropped him off at the hospital. There were complications and he says that he was dead for a few minutes…" 

Sandy's color has drained from his face. 

"So he hates hospitals," Seth states.

"I think I can understand that. They _dropped him off_?" Sandy asks, stunned..

"Ryan said they didn't want to get in trouble so they dropped him off," Seth adds. 

"When you were talking to Ryan earlier…you said that you watched him face off with his mother. Did you see her yesterday when she was here?" Sandy asks. "Because Kirsten…she had a few words with her in the hallway but we weren't sure that she talked to Ryan."

"I walked in and she was talking to him. She…she started to hit him, Dad, but Ryan grabbed her arm and told her not to touch him. It was like he knew that she was going to smack him," Seth says. 

"You didn't think that was important enough to mention?" Sandy asks, quietly.

"It's Ryan's business. I figured that since you had his files…that you already knew that his parents were…not nice. Mom got into it with Dawn?" Seth asks, surprised.

"Dawn said some things to Kirsten and your mother said some things back. She didn't know about…about Dawn seeing Ryan. The hospital called Dawn first, before calling anyone else. Kirsten was a little upset that Dawn didn't call us to tell us where Ryan was when she found out. There was a little drama, but we thought that she hadn't seen Ryan." Sandy sighs.

"Ryan's pretty self-sufficient, Dad, I don't think you need to start worrying any more than you worried before all this happened," Seth says. "I think Ryan's going to be okay. He didn't let his mom upset him…"

"Ryan's got a lot of issues that your mother and I haven't gotten around to discussing with him…" Sandy admits. "That's our mistake. He's been doing so well that we just kept putting it off."

"Well, if my opinion matters at all, I think you should keep putting it off," Seth replies. A nurse exits and Seth and Sandy return to the room.

Ryan is sitting in a wheelchair, fidgeting in the seat. He's out of the gown and wearing a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt that Kirsten had brought for him. The remaining nurse is straightening his bed and jotting down readings from the machines. 

"That's going to be a nice scar," Seth notes, motioning to the stitches that start near his wrist and stretch to his shoulder.

"Another one for the collection," Ryan nods. "Have I mentioned how happy I am to be getting out of here?"

"Just about twenty times, but yeah," Seth smiles.

"I have to meet the doctor at the desk and then I'll be right back," Sandy says.

"You feeling okay, Ryan?" Seth asks. "I know we keep asking you but this is me asking you this time."

"I'm okay, Seth. Really. You won't even know I'm hurt once I get out of this place…" Ryan starts.

"Ryan. You must be in pain," Seth interrupts, disbelieving. 

"I'm fine, Seth. I'm not in pain," Ryan replies, seriously.

"Then you must be some kind of freak…" Seth says. "Because you are pretty fucked up."

"Seth. It's cool. I can handle it. Pain's something I'm used to. It's this hospital that's fucking me up. Okay?" Ryan asks.

"Yeah. Okay. That's more normal. You reassuring me. That's what I'm used to," Seth replies.

Ryan smiles. "Thanks for hanging in these last few days, man. You really came through for me."

"You know that Marissa and Summer are going to be all over you when you get back, right? Like, in your face all the time?" Seth says, waiting for Ryan's reaction.

"Hmm…Is that supposed to be a bad thing?" Ryan replies, smiling.

Sandy reappears with a stack of papers and several small bags of prescriptions that he hands to Seth. "Okay. We're out of here. You ready?"

"Hell yes."


	4. 4

AN: Thanks for all the reviews. I know I've kind of reached a plateau in the last few chapters, but as soon as I get Ryan back up and around (in the next 2 chapters, at least) I'll get back down to business about the growing friendships and the kid that attacked Summer. Sorry if it's dragging, I'm just writing as my muse demands!

*****

"I said that I can walk," Ryan says.

"Seth, get away from him," Sandy scolds, smiling.

"I was just suggesting that in lieu of a wheelchair that my skateboard is available for Ryan transport," Seth says with a straight face. 

"You're going to stay in the house a few days, where we can keep an eye on you," Sandy announces. Sandy and Seth are standing outside Ryan's opened car door, waiting for him to get out.

Ryan holds out his hand and Seth takes it, instantly, pulling him to his feet. Ryan steadies himself with a hand on Seth's shoulder. 

"You okay? How's your knee?" Sandy asks as they start walking toward the house. Ryan is limping slightly.

"It's okay. It's cool," Ryan responds automatically. Ryan takes his hand off Seth's shoulder and walks normally without limping. 

"Now is the part when we all get into trouble," Sandy announces with a sigh outside the door. 

"What? You did tell mom we were coming, didn't you?"

"Not exactly. I told her I'd be home, but I didn't tell her that Ryan was coming with us." Sandy smiles sadly. "Alas, I must face my destiny…"

"Shut up," Seth smirks, shoving him lightly. Sandy unlocks the door and lets Seth and Ryan enter first.

"Sandy? Is that you?" Kirsten calls from the kitchen. 

Marissa and Summer spot Ryan from the stairs and shriek their satisfaction. Ryan accepts Marissa's gentle hug.

"You look like hell," Summer says, smiling.

"Thanks, Summer," Ryan replies. 

"Are you alright? When did they let you out? Are you sure you're okay?" Marissa asks, nervously.

"I freaked out a little bit but Mr. Cohen talked them into releasing me."

Kirsten enters, surprised. She starts to speak but stops, seeing that Ryan is lucid and closer to normal. "Ryan. Go lie down. In the den for now."

"Okay…" Ryan nods. Kirsten hugs him, impulsively.

"I'm glad you're home."

"Me too," Ryan replies. He slowly makes his way to the den and sits down on the couch. Marissa, Summer and Seth are closest to him and they see the flash of pain on his face. Kirsten didn't tell the girls about Ryan's emotional shutdown. They haven't seen him since the day he disappeared.

Marissa takes his hand and he glances at her. "You feel alright?"

"Yeah. I'm okay."

Marissa glances at Summer and then to Seth, worried. "Don't lie to me. Not after scaring me like this…" She says, looking at him again.

"I'm okay, Marissa. I'm beat down but I'm okay. Really."

Summer pulls Seth from the room, going to the kitchen with Kirsten and Sandy.

"What's wrong with him? Why's everyone so worried? Why's he acting so weird?" Summer asks the gathered family.

"Nothing's wrong, Summer. We're just all exhausted and glad to have him home," Kirsten says.

"Something's up. He doesn't look well enough to be out of the hospital," Summer whispers. 

"Summer, it's cool. Everything is cool, okay?" Seth replies. He touches her arm and she looks at him. "Trust me. It's cool."

Summer nods. "Okay."

In the den, Marissa is growing more worried. "I know you're in pain, Ryan, I can see it in your eyes. Why did the doctors release you?" 

"I was better. I'm better. There's nothing they can do for me there that I can't do for myself," Ryan replies.

"Ryan…I don't think you're okay." She puts the back of her hand against his forehead as if feeling him for fever.

"Marissa. I'm okay." He takes her hand and holds it. "I'm sorry I got hurt…"

"It's not your fault…"

"I know, but you're worrying and you shouldn't be. You shouldn't worry about me. I'm okay," Ryan says.

Marissa leans in and kisses him. Ryan is still recovering from his surprise when Kirsten clears her throat from the doorway.

"Ryan. Seth's going to get you some clothes and you can get cleaned up," Kirsten says.

Marissa and Ryan are both flushed bright red. 

"Okay." Ryan meets her gaze. "And then I guess I should take a nap and not move around."

Kirsten smiles. "Good plan. Marissa, would you and Summer like to stay for dinner?"

Marissa glances at Ryan, still holding his hand. "Sure."

"Don't wear yourself out, Ryan. You need to save your strength," Kirsten adds, leaving them.

Ryan's eyes are distant when she turns back to him. "Ryan?"

"I scared her," Ryan says quietly. 

"What?"

"I freaked out about the hospital. I have a…thing with hospitals. I hate them. I freak out. I freaked out and I scared her," Ryan whispers. 

"She's okay, Ryan. She's glad you're home. You're home, Ryan," Marissa says. 

The phone breaks their silence and a few minutes later, Seth and Summer enter. Summer hands the phone to Marissa. "It's your dad." Marissa steps out of the room.

"So what's up?" Seth asks, a knowing smile on his face.

"Nothing. You were in there all of five minutes and you're asking me what happened?" Ryan replies.

"I know how fast you work," Seth replies.

"Don't worry, I'll get it all out of Marissa later," Summer teases.

Ryan is slammed with a wave of exhaustion suddenly. Seth is watching him.

"I put you some clothes in the bathroom," Seth says.

Summer notices the change in an instant and softens her tone. "Come on. Let's go, Cripple," She says, taking his hand. She notices the stitches in his arm suddenly and gasps. She pulls his sleeve up to see how far the gash stretches.

"Summer." Ryan says. She pulls him to his feet as Seth stands by, stunned at her attention to Ryan. Summer pulls up his t-shirt before he can react and examines his bruised chest and bandaged side.

"What did they do to you?" She asks, quietly.

"Nothing that won't heal, Summer," Ryan replies. He staggers slightly and Seth steadies him, taking his undamaged arm. 

"Sorry," Summer recovers from her shock. "I'm sorry, Ryan…"

"It's okay. I just won't be pretty for a while," Ryan smiles. 

"Were you ever pretty?" Seth jokes. 

Ryan glares at him. 

"You must be tired."

Ryan nods, honestly. "I'm going to go take that shower." He doesn't protest as Seth walks with him, keeping him upright until he gets to the bathroom.

"I think I can take it from here," Ryan says.

"God, I hope so," Seth replies.

"Thanks. I'll be out in a few minutes."

"What happened with Marissa?" Seth asks when Ryan turns away.

"Shut up," Ryan smiles. He closes the door behind him and leans heavily against the sink. He hasn't seen himself since before his hospitalization and he agrees with Summer. He looks like hell. He doesn't feel much better. Mentally, he's okay again. Physically, not so good. He had listened when the nurses explained how to cleanse himself without getting the bandages wet. He showers and manages to pull on his loose fitting pants before he hears the knock on the door. 

"Yeah?"

"You've been in there a while. Everything okay?" Kirsten's voice is laced with concern. 

"Yeah." He opens the door halfway. "It's just taking me a little longer than normal with all these stitches."

"Can I help?" Kirsten offers, stepping inside. Ryan is surprised but doesn't protest. The shirt is a button up shirt and she helps him slide an arm into a sleeve. 

"I'm sorry about the hospital, Mrs. Cohen. I didn't mean to upset you," Ryan says quietly as she buttons his shirt up slowly.

"I was upset because you were upset and I didn't know how to help you," Kirsten replies. "I'm upset because I don't know if you would go to a hospital for help if you needed it."

Ryan doesn't reply.

"Ryan…"

"Mrs. Cohen, I don't talk about the past for a reason," Ryan states, his voice low and shaky. "I had a bad experience at a hospital once…and I haven't gotten over it. I won't be any trouble, I won't bleed on anything…"

"You know that's not what this is about. It's about your health and what's best for you," Kirsten interrupts, startled. 

Ryan is quiet.

"But I see now that it's better for you to be home," Kirsten says, putting her hands on his shoulders.

Ryan meets her gaze for an instant. "It's nice to have a home," He says, giving her a short hug and walking out of the bathroom.

Kirsten is surprised. She turns to help him but he is already back in the den and sitting on the couch. 

"Mom made the guest bedroom up for you, Ryan. The girls and Seth are in there," Sandy announces.

"Okay. Can I just sit here a minute?" Ryan asks. He leans back on the couch with a hand shielding his face. Kirsten sits on the arm of Sandy's seat and they both watch Ryan.

"When's the last time you took some pain medication, Ryan?" Kirsten asks. 

"I don't need it," Ryan mutters.

"It'll help you rest. You need to rest, Ryan. You're home now…" Sandy starts.

"I'm sorry," Ryan says. "You're right. They make me all cloudy…but I don't think I'll mind today."

Kirsten goes into the kitchen to get his medication. 

"Feeling better?" Sandy asks.

"I'll be good as new by morning," Ryan replies. He pauses. "Or something."

Sandy smiles. "By the time you get better, you'll be ready to start back to school."

"Shit…what happened with my probation?" Ryan asks, suddenly remembering that he may be in trouble.

"The principal spoke with Steve and worked everything out. You're safe."

Ryan nods. 

"Ryan, do you know who attacked you? Do you have any idea?" Sandy asks seriously. Seth is standing in the doorway.

Ryan meets Seth's eyes as he answers. "I don't know."

"You don't know anyone that would want to hurt you?"

"No," Ryan responds. Seth shakes his head, disappointed.

Sandy believes him and nods as Kirsten returns. Ryan obediently swallows the pills that she hands to him. He remains seated for a moment, looking exhausted. Then he pulls himself to his feet and follows Seth to the guestroom. 

Summer and Marissa are sitting on the small loveseat in the guestroom. Ryan sits down on the bed, his eyelids drooping.

"Ryan, do you want us to go?" Summer offers.

"I thought you guys were staying for dinner," Ryan replies.

"Oh yeah, but if you're too tired," Marissa begins, "We can come back later."

"Don't mind me…I'm just going to pass out over here…" Ryan says, lying down and covering his face with his arm. 

"Ryan?" Seth calls a few minutes later, but he is asleep.

"That seems like a really good idea," Marissa sighs. "I'm so glad he's okay."

Seth tosses a blanket over his friend and walks out with the girls.

*****

Summer, Seth and Marissa are eating pizza in the dining room when they hear Ryan's voice. Sandy and Kirsten are upstairs going over Ryan's paperwork. 

Marissa makes it to the guestroom first and sees that Ryan is struggling in a nightmare. "Ryan?"

"No…stop…please…" Ryan is muttering. Marissa pales, frozen in the doorway as she watches him. Seth rushes in behind her and immediately goes to his friend's side. Ryan's face is twisted in pain.

Seth knows that Ryan has nightmares. He made the mistake of trying to wake him up once when he found him dreaming and Ryan almost took his head off. This time, Seth stands beside the bed, calling urgently to Ryan. "Wake up, Ryan. Wake up!" 

Ryan continues to struggle.

"Shake him," Summer suggests, standing beside Marissa now.

"I've learned that you don't touch him to wake him up. He gets a little…violent…" Seth explains.

Marissa recovers herself and goes to the bed's side. "Ryan. Come on, Ryan, wake up…" She urges, her voice calm.

"What's going on?" Sandy asks, entering once he sees Summer's worried expression. 

"He's having a nightmare," Seth tells his father.

Sandy reaches out before his son can stop him and squeezes Ryan's arm. "Dad, wait…" Seth calls.

Ryan sits up immediately, his hand latched on to Sandy's wrist defensively. He glances around in alarm, his blue eyes cloudy.

"Hey. Can I have my hand back?" Sandy asks, not showing his concern at Ryan's reaction. 

Ryan seems to snap out of his nightmare and relaxes. "What's up?"

"Nightmare. We heard you all the way in the dining room," Marissa says, sitting down beside him and hugging him. 

"Oh. These drugs make me have nightmares," Ryan admits. He rubs his eyes, tiredly. "I guess I'm more tired than I thought. I don't even remember falling asleep."

"That's okay, Ryan. You try and get some rest. Guys? Don't keep him up too late," Sandy says, leaving. He pulls Seth into the hallway. 

"What?" Seth asks, confused.

"Does Ryan have nightmares a lot?" Sandy asks.

"I guess," Seth shrugs, uncomfortable. "He's fine when he wakes up, you just can't touch him. You're lucky he didn't take a swing at you."

"Does he talk about them?"

"No, Dad. I'm not going to be your spy on Ryan. If you're worried about him you should take it up with him," Seth says. 

"You're right. I will. Call us if you need us," Sandy says, flushing and leaving. Seth sighs.

He steps back into the room. Marissa is insisting that Ryan won't have nightmares if he is under the covers of the bed so she is folding down the bed and Summer is steadying him.

"Help," Ryan says to Seth.

"You are going to get some sleep, Ryan. I mean it," Marissa scolds. Ryan sighs, climbing into bed. 

"Don't you guys have school tomorrow?" Ryan asks.

"Not until they catch that kid," Summer replies. "Don't worry, we've got your homework, too."

"Seth and I have to go tomorrow," Marissa says. 

"Yeah, Mom says I can't stay out another day…" Seth states.

Ryan is asleep again. 

"I guess we better go," Marissa says.

Ryan mumbles. "Thanks, Marissa."

Seth walks Marissa and Summer to the door.

"Thanks for everything, guys…" Seth says. 

"No thanks necessary," Marissa responds. "Ryan's always been there for me. You, too," She smiles. Summer waits until Marissa turns around to stand on her tiptoes and kiss Seth on the lips..

"Now you have something to talk to Ryan about in the morning," Summer grins mischievously, hurrying to catch up to Marissa before Seth can respond.

*****


	5. 5

Ryan wakes up the next day and sits up slowly. He is alone in the guestroom but he sees that the door is opened halfway and he hears the stereo playing quietly in the other room. He gets up slowly and limps out of the room.

"Good morning, sunshine," Summer says, startling him.

"Do you live here, now?" Ryan smiles.

"Summer's parents are still out of town and Marissa had to go to school today," Kirsten announces.

"And you need a babysitter," Summer teases. 

"Okay," Ryan shrugs. 

"Okay," Ryan shrugs. 

"Come into the kitchen so you can get something to eat and take your medicine," Kirsten says before he can sit down.

"Your leg's bothering you more today," Summer comments, automatically taking Ryan's arm and helping him across the house into the kitchen.

"I'm just a little stiff," Ryan replies, sitting down on a stool. He turns to Summer and looks at the fading bruises on her arms. "How're you doing?"

"Oh, I'm all better." Summer glances at Mrs. Cohen. "I've been talking to Kirsten."

Ryan is surprised. 

"What? It's not like my mother's around for girl talk," Summer tells him.

"I didn't say anything, Summer," Ryan replies, smiling slightly.

"I don't approve of you fighting, Ryan, under any means but…I'm glad you were there for Summer," Kirsten says, putting several pills on the counter in front of him beside a drink. 

"I'm sorry," Ryan nods. 

"What do you want to eat?" Kirsten asks.

"I'm not actually that hungry," Ryan hesitates.

"You have to eat something," Summer scolds.

"Don't make me get all motherly, Ryan."

"How about some something light. Toast?" Ryan suggests, his stomach hurting just at the thought of eating.

Kirsten is looking at him. "Does your stomach hurt, Ryan?"

"I just don't want to try throwing up with these stitches in my side," He says, his eyes lowered.

"Okay. I'll make you some soup and toast and we'll see how it goes, okay?" Kirsten replies. He nods. She turns toward the refrigerator. "I'm going to run into the office. Will you guys be okay here until Sandy gets home? I'm just a phone call away and Summer has my number," Kirsten says.

"You really are the babysitter, aren't you?" Ryan jokes. Summer sticks her tongue out at him.

"We'll be fine. Seth's bringing him loads of homework," Summer states.

"I'm suspended from homework, I thought…" Ryan mutters.

"You've actually got double homework because you're suspended," Summer replies seriously.

"But look on the bright side. You're not in jail or the hospital doing double homework," Kirsten adds.

"Very true." Ryan takes a deep breath and swallows the pills, chasing them with a swallow of water.

*****

Thursday night, Luke was standing underneath the pier, his arms wrapped around Holly's salty body. She was drunk again and had passed out mid-kiss a few minutes earlier. Luke was pretty wasted, too, but he was listening to the people that were drinking a few yards down the dark beach. He knew that he should know the bruised kid's name but he can't think of it. All he knows for sure is that the bruised kid said that he had killed the kid from Chino. 

Luke was slightly surprised. He was the only person in Newport that had good reason to want to fuck up Chino but he wouldn't even consider killing him. The bullet scar in his arm reminded him that Chino didn't want him dead. 

"What the fuck, dude? What did he do to you?" Someone in the small group asked.

Luke strained to listen. "Man, I was macking on this chick…" The bruised kid started. Luke recognized him then, he's a teammate's brother.

"Cooper?"

"Hell no, not that skinny bitch…" 

"Who?"

The bruised kid tossed a bottle in Luke's direction, not spotting him and his unconscious girl. It lodged in the sand a few feet away.

"Short chick, Summer or something, anyway, I was getting ready to start hitting it and he fucking busts in and starts pounding me…"

Luke had heard enough. He scooped Holly into his arms and staggered in the opposite direction toward his truck. He may not know Chino that well but he knows Summer. Summer wouldn't be caught dead alone with that bruised kid. He deposited Holly in his truck and started driving toward his house.

The next day, Luke goes to school but leaves at lunch. He drives to McDonalds and then to the Cohens. He notes that Marissa's car is gone but Summer's car is parked in the Cohen's driveway. He knocks on the door.

Ryan swings open the door and blinks at Luke. 

"You're not dead," Luke states.

"Disappointed?" Ryan replies, confused.

"Can I talk to you?" Luke asks after a pause.

Ryan hesitates. 

"I heard somebody saying that they killed you," Luke says quietly.

Ryan's eyes flash with anger, darkening. He steps back and lets Luke inside.

"You alone?" Luke asks.

"Summer's in the kitchen," Ryan replies.

Luke turns to Ryan. "Man, I know we're not friends, but I don't want you dead. I'm not a killer." Luke examines Ryan's pale complexion and various injuries. "I mean, I don't like you but I don't think you're a bad guy or anything."

"What's up?" Ryan asks, leaning against the door.

"Who was it?" Summer asks, walking in. "What do you want?"

Luke's eyes are drawn to the bruises on Summer's arms. "Who did that to you?"

Ryan notices Luke's sudden anger and something clicks for him. "You know something. Did you hear something? Somebody talking?"

Summer is startled to hear concern from Luke. She opens her mouth to speak but Luke is talking.

"I was out last night, drunk as hell on the beach and there were these kids partying a little ways down. I heard this one kid, he was pretty banged up, I heard him say that he had killed the kid from Chino." Luke stops when Summer gasps.

"Fucker," Ryan hisses, angry. "He's gonna regret that he didn't kill me when I'm through with him…"

"There's more," Luke mutters. "Another kid asked him why he had beef with you and he said that you interrupted him when he was hooking up with Summer…and I know Summer and she…" Luke turns to Summer. "Did he do that to you?"

"I heard her screaming, the little punk had her pinned in the girl's bathroom," Ryan tells Luke.

"I'm surprised you care, Luke," Summer says.

Luke glances at her. "I've known you my whole life, Summer. We were friends once. Just because I'm not with Marissa anymore doesn't mean that I don't care." He looks at Ryan. "Things are just different now."

"I need to sit down before I punch something," Ryan mutters, tense with anger. He limps into the den and sits down.

"What happened to you?" Luke asks, following him.

"Little bitch jumped me from behind. Hit me with a bottle or something. I got suspended because I fucked him up…"

"Who reported you?" Luke interrupts.

"He came with me to report the whole thing to the principal so he kind of turned himself in," Summer explains.

"Anyway, I was walking home and the next thing I know I was in the hospital. He sliced me up…" Ryan continues

"He stabbed you?" Luke asks, startled.

"In the side. He fucked me up pretty good…" Ryan's anger resurfaces. "But as soon as you give me a name…"

"You'll what? Limp down there and fall over on him? Damn, Ryan, he almost fucking killed you!" Summer scolds. "You'll call the police! Mr. Cohen's already got them looking for him!"

Ryan glances at Luke. "What do you think? What would you do?"

Luke doesn't answer.

"'Cause where I'm from anybody that goes to the cops is a snitch," Ryan states. "And I've never been a snitch."

The front door slams and Seth and Marissa rush inside. "What's going on?" Seth demands.

"Everything's cool," Ryan says, too angry to notice Marissa's confused expression.

"What are you doing here?" Marissa asks Luke. 

"I came to talk to Ryan," Luke says, quietly.

"About what?" Marissa asks.

"Not you," Luke replies, quieter than before. "That's the only reason I came over. If it was about you I would have come to you."

Marissa is silent.

"So, yeah, what's going on?" Seth asks, trying to break the tension.

Ryan and Luke are silent. 

"Let's take a walk," Ryan says to Luke, standing up. "We'll be right back." Luke follows him. 

"Hey!" Seth calls, confused. 

"I'll be right back," Ryan responds, leading Luke onto the patio. 

"Man, if you want to go after this dude, I'll get your back," Luke says after a moment. 

"Really." Ryan says the word flatly.

"Yeah. I…we're not friends," Luke starts.

"I think that's pretty well established," Ryan replies.

"Yeah, but I respect what you did for Summer. The kid's got it coming and I'd like to land a punch or two…" Luke explains.

"Thanks. I appreciate that. I don't know what I'm going to do," Ryan admits.

"You do look pretty rough, Chino. If the cops are already involved…" Luke starts.

"I have to think about it," Ryan says. Sandy startles them both by appearing through the half-opened patio door.

"Let me know," Luke says, pulling out a slip of paper from his pocket and a pen. He scribbles something on it and hands it to Ryan. "That's what you need." He nods to Mr. Cohen and disappears into the house.

"Ryan. What did I just interrupt?" Sandy is genuinely confused. 

Ryan looks at him calmly. "That depends on what you heard before you came out."

"Marissa's ex-boyfriend was talking about the cops being involved. So again, what did I just interrupt?" Sandy asks, concerned.

Ryan's face is expressionless, but his eyes are clouded and distant. 

"Ryan. Talk to me," Sandy urges.

"I…I don't know what to do," Ryan states. Seth steps out. 

"Dad, Mom's on the phone for you," Seth says.

"Take a message," Sandy replies, looking at Ryan. Seth glances at them both before returning into the house. 

Ryan is staring at the ground, his eyes unfocused.

"Ryan. I don't know what's going on but if it involves cops, you should tell me," Sandy attempts.

Ryan doesn't say anything. He unfolds the slip of paper in his hand. It's a boy's name. And an address. He looks at Mr. Cohen.

"Ryan. What's that?" Sandy asks, growing frustrated.

Ryan takes several steps toward him and refolds the paper. "You better make sure he stays away from me. If he comes anywhere near me or those kids in there, I can't promise you anything. I'll hurt the bastard, Mr. Cohen." Sandy takes the paper from him, stunned. He opens it.

"Is this…" Sandy begins.

"Somebody heard him bragging about killing me. He said he came after me because I interrupted his tryst with Summer," Ryan says, his voice low and serious. 

Sandy looks at Ryan, finally understanding. "You were going to go after him? Ryan? Is that it?"

"Look what he did to me!" Ryan says, holding out his arms. 

"This kid nearly killed you, Ryan. This is out of your hands now. What are you going to do to him? Beat him up so he can come after you again? No. You did the right thing, you protected Summer and you walked away." Sandy sighs heavily. "I know it was hard for you but you did it. This kid tried to kill you and you know that you can't handle this."

Ryan shakes his head. "No, Mr. Cohen. That's not it. I know that I can handle this, I just don't want to. I want to be a better man. I don't want to have to fight to survive anymore. But if he comes near me…" 

"Okay, Ryan. I'll take care of it. Calm down." Sandy starts to go into the house but he pauses. "You're not going anywhere for a few days." 

Ryan sits down on one of the patio chairs. He puts his head in his hands. 

"Summer told us what happened. What are you doing out here?" Marissa sits down in the same chair as him, taking his hand automatically.

Ryan looks at her. "Thinking."

Marissa opens her mouth to reply but is surprised by his kiss. She relaxes into it, enjoying it impulsively. 

"I was thinking that I think too much," He says, pulling away but putting his arms around her. 

"Really?" She smiles.

"Yeah," Ryan replies.

"What's up with you and Luke?"

Ryan shrugs. "We're not friends."

"So what are you?"

"I don't think we're anything, Marissa. He told me because he respects what I did for Summer. I guess we have mutual respect for each other or something," Ryan says slowly. Marissa is silent. She kisses him.

"Taking it outside now, I see," Seth says, startling them.

"Seth. Great timing," Marissa replies. 

"I'm glad you decided to let the police take care of this, Ryan," Seth says. He strikes a karate pose. "I'm not well trained enough to back you up," He jokes. 

Ryan smiles. "You would have done fine."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You would have been waiting in the car to take off as soon as I jumped in," Ryan teases. 

*****


	6. 6

By Monday, Ryan is recovered enough to return to school. Over the weekend, Marissa and Summer kept him company while he regained his strength. The kid that attacked him was caught on Saturday and Sandy has assured him that he won't be allowed back into the school if he does make bail. 

Holly and her friends surprised everyone by making an effort to apologize to Marissa and Summer for their alienation. Summer's attack is known school wide and she is the center of attention. 

Seth finds him for lunch outside on the lawn. Ryan slides over in his patch of shade and Seth sits down.

"Well, I guess Summer and Marissa forgot about us already," Seth complains.

"Dude. They've been around twenty-four seven lately. I don't mind a break."

"Summer said we made her feel safe. We, not just you," Seth grins. 

"I'm glad, man. That's cool," Ryan smiles. 

"You doing okay your first day back?" Seth asks, growing serious.

"Don't start. I'm fine," Ryan replies.

"Okay. But don't say I didn't ask," Seth replies, opening his lunch. 

"Hey." Luke appears, standing over them.

"What's up?" Ryan asks, tensing up despite their tentative truce.

"Watch your back. He's getting out tonight. I don't know if he's going to try anything, his brother says he's unbalanced and shit, but…"

"Thanks for the info," Ryan nods. 

"No problem," Luke replies. "Take care."

"That's just weird. Luke being all civil and shit," Seth comments.

"Don't tell Summer about that. It'll just upset her," Ryan says.

"Upset who?" 

Both boys jump at the sound of Marissa's voice.

"Nothing," They reply, surprised. Marissa sits down. 

"So how's Holly?"

"A bitch. But we're cool," Marissa replies. "It's just too loud in the cafeteria." She reaches out and pinches a piece of Seth's sandwich off and eats it.

"Hey. You could lose a finger like that," Seth scolds, holding his sandwich in his other hand to keep it out of her reach. 

"Were you cheating off me in chemistry?" Ryan asks Marissa. She leans into him and he puts his arm around her. Seth raises an eyebrow at their cozy appearance in public. It's well known that Marissa's mother is dead set against them dating.

"Maybe. Did you get the right answers?"

"I hope so. I didn't know I was working for two," Ryan smiles. 

"How could you abandon me with those bitches?" Summer asks, surprising them all and they jump.

"Sorry." Marissa's face is flushed.

"You guys are entirely too close together for the middle of the day," Summer scolds. Ryan and Marissa sit up, realizing their display.

"Better. What's up?" Summer plucks the remaining bite of Seth's sandwich from his fingers, eating it.

"You girls are like vultures," Seth hisses. 

Sandy and Kirsten agree to let Ryan and Seth go to the movies Monday night. The Cohens trust the girls after spending so much time with them and they think it will be good for Ryan to get out of the house.

They can't agree on a movie and spend most of the night in a pizza place, eating and arguing playfully. Around midnight, Ryan yawns and Seth takes the cue to stand up.

"We have school tomorrow so I guess we better go home," Seth says. Ryan slides out of the booth and offers Marissa his hand. 

Ryan is in the lead on the way to the Range Rover. He has his arm lazily draped around Marissa. He glances at the SUV before he hits the unlock button on the keychain. Something is wrong. His senses alert him to a shadow on the far side of their vehicle.

"Wait," He says to Marissa and she stops cold, hearing the urgency in his voice. She holds out her hand and stops Summer and Seth from going to the truck. 

Ryan takes several cautious steps until he can see the figure under the streetlight on the far side of the Range Rover. He can see the bruises on the kid's face.

"Hey."

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Ryan asks, his voice low and threatening.

"Waiting for you."

"Ryan," Seth calls, pushing past Marissa and starting toward him.

"No, Seth, stay right there. Call the police," Ryan says. Seth freezes, still unsure of the situation but allowing Ryan to take control. He raises his phone to his ear.

"Fucking police…you're such a little bitch…" The boy hisses, starting toward him.

"Don't fucking come near me, I swear to god…" Ryan says, increasing the distance between himself and his friends. He hopes that they can't see him behind the Range Rover. He doesn't want them to see him get himself killed. 

"I know I fucked you up last time, you can't take me…" The boy snaps.

The boy is within arms reach of Ryan now, his fist raised. Ryan jolts into action, grabbing him by the neck and using his body to slam the boy against the ground. Ryan breathes heavily and steps back, tensing to keep himself from destroying the boy.

Seth is talking into the phone. Ryan holds his hand up to halt Summer and Marissa from rushing to his side. They huddle beside Seth, their arms linked.

"You have no idea who you're dealing with, Chino," The boy says, quietly, raising himself up on his elbows.

"What do you want from me?" Ryan asks.

"Why do you have to have all the girls? Why can't I have that little hot one?" The boy snarls, getting to his feet in an instant. 

Ryan starts to jump him but freezes, hearing the siren and spotting the flashing blue lights. 

"Well, I guess we'll have to go to plan B," The kid whispers. He lunges, knocking Ryan to the ground. They struggle and Ryan feels something hard and cold pressed against his chest. Not a knife. Something worse. Ryan is numb suddenly to the pain and he focuses on grabbing his attacker's hands. He tries to remember where his friends were standing when he was knocked down. He has to focus. 

The bang is louder than he expected but he doesn't lose his focus. He doesn't listen to the yelling policemen or Marissa's frantic cries. He has to win this fight. There's too much at stake.

The next bang is even louder and the bullet dislodges pieces of concrete beside his head. But Ryan has the upper hand now. He wrenches the gun from his hand and slings it away from them. He hears it clatter against the pavement. The next thing he feels is the police pulling the boy off him.

Ryan sits up and pushes himself away from the protesting boy. He flinches away from the hands on his shoulders.

"Ryan?" Seth is behind him. 

"Shit…shit…" Ryan mutters. He can't breathe. Marissa is in his arms suddenly and he realizes that he is shaking. He can't breathe.

An officer comes over and kneels beside Ryan. The cop pulls Marissa gently away from him so he can see his face. "Are you okay, son?"

"Yeah…"

"You're bleeding," Marissa gasps.

"Were you hit?" Summer demands. She pushes between the policeman and Marissa and pulls up his shirt.

"No, no…I don't think so," Ryan replies, his eyes glazed. 

"Ma'am, please give him some space," The cop urges. 

"The same kid stabbed him last week, I think he ripped his stitches," Summer says, stepping back. 

Ryan is overcome by a wash of pain suddenly and he feels his eyes roll back slightly as he shudders. 

"Ryan?" Marissa gasps, seeing his tremor.

He pushes himself away from them, still seated. He pulls off the button up shirt that he's wearing over his t-shirt as he gets to his feet. Seth sees the wound an instant before Ryan spots it on his previously undamaged arm. A round little hole in his flesh. Seth steps forward instantly and takes Ryan's discarded shirt and wraps it tightly around the arm. His skin is slick with blood. 

"You're cool, you're cool…" Seth whispers as Ryan falters.

"Ambulance is a minute out," The officer says. "Your parents are on the way."

"Shit…this is really going to piss your folks off," Ryan says, his eyes rolled back slightly in his head. 

"Don't worry about it, man, you saved our lives," Seth replies. Ryan's body goes limp suddenly and the officer helps Seth lower him to the ground. An ambulance backs up and two paramedics leap out and push Seth away. He turns to Marissa and Summer who are crying softly and hugging each other. "I need to go with Ryan, okay? Are you guys going to be okay?"

"Yeah…" Marissa says.

Seth holds out the keys to the Range Rover. He takes Marissa by the shoulders. "He's okay. Okay? Don't have an accident. Don't freak out. Meet us at the hospital okay?"

"Okay…okay," Marissa nods, recovering herself. She pulls Summer to the truck. The officer stops them. 

"Follow me, we'll give you an escort so we can take your report down there," He says.

Marissa nods. The paramedics have Ryan in the ambulance now and they hold the door open so Seth can get in. They start interrogating him about Ryan's health and information. 

Ryan wakes back into consciousness listening to Seth's trembling voice talking about him.

"He had surgery last week, he's still taking some painkillers…"

"I haven't taken them in three days," Ryan says, opening his eyes and blinking to regain his focus.

"Welcome back," The medic smiles, shining a light in his eyes. 

"Thanks. Are the girls okay?" Ryan asks, too stricken to hide the grimace of pain from his face.

"Yeah, they're fine, they're following us, scared shitless," Seth states. He pats Ryan on the center of the forehead, startling the prone boy. "Don't think. Let them fix you. Okay?"

Ryan nods. "Thanks." He focuses his attention on Seth and tries to ignore the EMT that is cutting off his shirt.

"Damn, Ryan, if you wanted to cut school tomorrow, I don't think you had to go to all this trouble," Seth jokes, his eyes betraying his fear. 

"Shit, Seth…" Ryan coughs suddenly, his lungs not cooperating. He gasps for breath and the medic covers his face with an oxygen mask. 

"I think he had a collapsed lung last time," Seth tells the medic.

Ryan struggles to sit up, pulling the mask from his face as he coughs. The EMT realizes that Ryan is coughing blood and hands him a towel. 

"Lie down, son, use the mask okay?" He urges. Seth nods and Ryan forces himself to relax and lie back down. He tries to inhale the oxygen deeply despite the pain because he feels himself slipping into darkness again. 

"Ryan, it's cool, alright?"

Ryan weakly gives him a thumbs up as the ambulance rolls to a stop. They swing open the doors and Ryan is rolled into the hospital. Seth stands by the nurses' station after the doctor kicks him out of the exam room. 

"Seth?" Summer embraces him desperately when she reaches him. "He's alright, right?" 

"Yeah, I think so…"

"Kids? We need to take your statements…" An officer announces, approaching them.

"Shouldn't we wait for our parents?" Seth asks. 

"None of you are in trouble, we just need to know what happened…" The officer replies.

"Where is he?" Kirsten's voice echoes from across the ER. Summer disappears for an instant and returns with Kirsten and Sandy.

"They took him in there," Seth tells his mother, pointing to a room. 

"What happened?"

"That kid, the one that they arrested for assaulting me and beating up Ryan last week, he was waiting by the truck. Ryan told us to call the police and then the kid rushed him. Ryan knocked him down and stepped back…" Summer says, quickly. She slows down when Kirsten puts her hand on her shoulder. "Then the kid got up and jumped on Ryan. I didn't see the gun at first and then…he punched Ryan in his side…where his stitches are and it stunned him for a second and I saw the kid pull out the gun. I didn't see it go off…but I heard it shoot twice..."

The officer is writing and nodding slowly. 

"What happened to Ryan?" Sandy asks.

Seth can't speak. He's remembering Ryan's coughing from the ambulance. Blood. 

"Seth? Was he shot?" Sandy demands. 

"He tore his stitches," Summer says, her eyes dull.

"In the arm," Seth murmurs. "He was shot in the arm. He was awake when they brought him in, he was okay, he was fine…"

"He's going to be fine," Sandy echoes, putting an arm around his son.

"I'm starting to hate hospitals more than Ryan," Kirsten says.

A nurse comes out of Ryan's room and recognizes Seth and approaches them. 

"How is he?"

"He's going to be fine. He ripped some stitches out but there doesn't appear to be any internal tearing. We're replacing the stitches in his side and his arm. The bullet went clean through without damaging the bone and with minimal muscle damage…"

"He was coughing blood," Seth states quietly. Sandy glances at him.

"He irritated his cracked ribs but he didn't puncture a lung like we thought. His mouth was bleeding because he lost a tooth," The nurse replies.

"I never thought I'd be relieved that someone knocked out one of Ryan's teeth," Seth sighs, relieved. 

"He should be out in about twenty minutes. Dr. Harris is coming down to consult," She smiles. "He'll bring Ryan out to you."

Marissa sees Ryan walk out first with the doctor following him.

Kirsten stands up and embraces him. His eyes are dull.

"Ryan's going to be fine. I know how he feels about hospitals so I'm prepared to release him…" Dr. Harris starts.

Ryan doesn't speak; he sits down in Kirsten's vacated seat and puts his face in his hands. He is trembling. Marissa sits down beside him and puts an arm around him.

"And I'll write an excuse for school, he needs to stay home a few more days," Dr. Harris adds. He lowers his voice. "He's very shaken. I'm prescribing a sedative so he can rest. I recommend you use it."

Marissa starts to cry and Ryan automatically puts his arms around her, rocking her gently. His eyes are unfocused.

"It's like he's in shock," Summer whispers to Seth, taking his hand for reassurance. 

"He's okay…he's okay…" Seth replies. Summer glances at him and sees the same vacant look in his eyes as Ryan. 

"We're all okay," Summer says, shaking him gently. "Hey. We're all okay."

"Yeah…" Seth sounds better and he smiles at her.

Sandy and Kirsten talk to the officers more and Seth kneels beside Ryan's chair. "Ryan?"

"Hmm?" Ryan answers distantly.

"Can you talk to me?" Seth asks.

"He shot me. He fucking shot me," Ryan replies, shaking his head. "I don't think I can talk right now…"

"That kid was fucking crazy, Ry, but you're alright now," Seth says.

"I'm not alright, Seth," Ryan mutters, still rocking Marissa . She cries harder. Summer pulls Marissa away from Ryan. 

"Come on, girl, pull yourself together," Summer insists.

"Feels like we've been to war together," Seth mutters. 

"I forgot my Kevlar today," Ryan whispers. "I need a cigarette."

"Not with a collapsed lung…" Summer scolds.

"Oh yeah…" Ryan sighs. "Hey, it's not collapsed anymore…"

"You're, like, still in the hospital," Summer retorts. 

"Children," Seth interrupts their bickering. "Let's go home." He gets his mother and they separate to return home. Summer and Marissa go to Marissa's house and Seth follows Ryan into the guest room.

Ryan sits down on the bed after Seth flips the lights on. "Shit," He mutters and rushes to the bathroom. Seth hears the sound of vomiting.

"Where's Ryan?" Sandy asks, entering with Kirsten.

"Sick," Seth says, pointing to the bathroom. 

They stand in silence for a few minutes until Ryan emerges. 

"I'm okay, guys. I really am," Ryan states. He sits down on the bed. "That was just scary as hell and it threw me."

"Well, you didn't act scared," Seth replies.

"If you hadn't called the cops, Seth, he would've killed us all," Ryan says.

"Ryan, you don't look so good," Seth comments.

Ryan closes his eyes and puts a hand to his head. Kirsten glances at Sandy and pulls something from her pocket.

"Here. Swallow this. I'll get you some water," She says. He takes the capsule from her. He holds it in his hand.

"How about a shot of bourbon?" Ryan mutters. "Sorry."

"Water," Kirsten smiles. She stands up and goes to Seth. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. I didn't get shot," Seth replies.

"Dr. Harris gave us something that you can take to help you sleep," Kirsten says, embracing him.

"You guys get some sleep, okay?" Sandy says. "We'll talk in the morning."

"Hey," Seth calls, going to Ryan's side. "Are you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"I didn't exactly have your back tonight, I kind of froze…"

Ryan looks at Seth, serious. "You saved my ass tonight. If you had jumped in it would have just made things more complicated. You did exactly what you were supposed to do. You had my back, Seth, in all the ways that matter. You really came through."

"So did you. But you always do," Seth smiles, slapping hands with Ryan.

Kirsten returns with two glasses of water and gives them to the boys. 

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Cohen. Trouble just seems to find us," Ryan says, gulping the medication instantly. 

"I'm glad you're okay. But you're grounded. Just on principle. Every time you go out we end up picking you up from the hospital," Kirsten replies.

"I'm not going to argue. I think I'm going to try and sleep for the next week or so and see if my luck improves," Ryan mutters. 

"I'm out, too. 'Night, Mom," Seth says, kissing his mother on the cheek. 

Kirsten turns to Ryan and sits down beside him. "Are you alright?"

Ryan opens his mouth.

"Don't tell me you're fine," Kirsten says.

Ryan sighs. "I'm not fine. But I'm alive. I didn't freak out at the hospital and I haven't freaked out in front of you, yet, so I'm okay." He pauses. "But that shit that went down tonight…that definitely wasn't cool."

"I know. You handled yourself well, Ryan, but you have to work harder at keeping yourself out of situations like tonight. I know it was out of your control and you were only protecting Seth and the girls, but you're just a kid. You're not a policeman or a superhero…"

"I don't want to be. I just saw that kid tonight and I knew…Seth and the girls were right behind me. I couldn't let them get hurt…" Ryan mutters. He is still trembling. 

"But what about yourself? You got hurt, Ryan," Kirsten says, putting an arm around him. "You're important, too. You're a part of this family."

"I…I'd rather it be me bleeding on the pavement than Seth…or the girls…"

"Ryan…"

He turns away, uncomfortable with her closeness. His voice is barely a whisper. "It takes a lot to hurt me…and they…I don't think they've ever been hurt before…they don't have scars…nightmares…"

Kirsten is startled by his confession.

"I guess…its better for me to take the hits since I'm already damaged…I don't know…it doesn't make sense…"

"No, Ryan, I understand what you're saying, but…you know that's not right. You're not damaged…" Kirsten starts. She notices that Ryan's eyelids are drooping.

"What did you give me?" He asks. 

"Something to help you rest. It's okay. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?" Kirsten says, hugging him.

Ryan nods. "I'm going to go get cleaned up…" 

Kirsten realizes that he is still covered in blood but before she can offer her assistance, he has disappeared into the bathroom. She hears the shower turn on for a few minutes and then turn off. She waits quietly until Ryan emerges, dressed and looking dazed from the drugs. She pulls back the covers and he sits down on the bed.

"I want you to rest, Ryan. Call me if you need anything. Anything, okay?" Kirsten says.

"Okay," Ryan whispers, lying down.

"How's your arm feel?" Kirsten asks, noticing that Ryan is keeping it close at his side.

"Like it's got a hole in it," Ryan replies. "It hurts but I'll be okay…" His blue eyes are dark with pain. He sighs deeply. 

"Get some rest," She says, kissing him on the forehead before leaving him alone. She leaves the door slightly cracked so she can hear him if he calls for her but she knows that he won't. 


	7. 7

Kirsten dozes off on the couch outside Ryan's room. She wakes up and finds him standing in the door to the guest room. His eyes are unfocused.

"Ryan?"

He doesn't answer. 

"Ryan, what is it?"

He takes a few swaying steps and bumps into an end table, breaking a lamp. She realizes that he is sleepwalking. 

"Ryan. Ryan. Wake up." 

He blinks but doesn't respond. She doesn't touch him, remembering Sandy's story about trying to wake him from a nightmare.

"Wake up, Ryan," She urges, raising her voice.

"What?" Ryan's eyes remain unfocused.

"Wake up."

He blinks again and his eyes clear. "What?"

"Ryan?"

"Yeah?" He glances around suddenly. "Shit…"

"You were sleepwalking. Let's get you back to bed," Kirsten says, standing up and taking his arm gently. 

"Damn…I haven't done that since I was a kid," Ryan says, his eyelids drooping from exhaustion.

"You're still a kid, Ryan," Kirsten teases.

Ryan gets back into bed and lets Kirsten put the covers over him. "Thanks. For being here," Ryan murmurs, closing his eyes and falling back asleep. 

"You're welcome," Kirsten whispers. She doesn't leave the room but sits down on the loveseat to watch him. She dozes off again until his voice wakes her. 

"Stop…" Ryan mutters, tangled in the sheets. Kirsten glances at the clock and realizes that the sun is up. She wonders how long he's been trapped in the nightmare.

"Get away from me…" Ryan continues, flailing with his bandaged arms. The bandage covering his gunshot wound is red with blood. Sandy comes to the door as Kirsten gets to her feet.

"Bad dream…" Kirsten says.

"He did say that the drugs give him nightmares…" Sandy says. 

"Let me go…" Ryan pleads.

"Ryan. Wake up, kid," Sandy says urgently. 

"…please…" Ryan breathes, struggling. Kirsten and Sandy are stricken by the pained tone of his voice. "Please just stop…"

Seth walks in. "You guys just going to stand there and let him suffer?" He asks. He shakes his head at them in disapproval and leans over the bed. He claps his hands in front of Ryan's face loudly. Instead of Ryan waking up, he starts to struggle more violently. Seth is concerned so he quickly grabs Ryan's wrists and holds them tightly. 

"Ryan. Wake up. Wake up now…" Seth says, holding his wrists to keep him from lashing out. He shakes his friend gently. "Wake up."

Ryan gasps suddenly, wrenching himself from Seth's grip and sitting up, pale. 

"Hey. You're okay, Ry, you're okay," Seth says quietly.

Ryan puts his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes. "Damn. Sorry…" He gets up suddenly and rushes into the bathroom. 

"I'm going to go start breakfast, come on, Sandy," Kirsten says, feeling intrusive after seeing the exchange between her son and Ryan. She realizes how close they really are because of Seth's protectiveness and Ryan's level of comfort. She wishes she had paid more attention to when Seth and Ryan became brothers.

Seth winces as he hears Ryan retching in the bathroom. He emerges a few minutes later, still pale but recovered.

"You alright?" Seth asks, concerned.

"Not really. Whatever your Mom gave me last night to make me rest made all my worst nightmares come back…"

"Ryan, what the hell do you dream about?"

Ryan shudders, sitting back down on the bed. "You don't want to know what I dream about…"

"Yeah. I do," Seth says, quietly.

Ryan covers his face with his hand, silent.

"Ryan, I'm sorry, it's none of my business…"

"I'll tell you one day, Seth, but not today…I don't know if I'm going to function today…" Ryan replies.

"Mom's making breakfast," Seth says, nodding his understanding.

"I'm not hungry. I just want to sleep."

Seth nods, going toward the door.

"I just want to lie here a while," Ryan sighs, lying face down in the bed. "Can you get your parents to just…leave me alone a while?"

"I'll try."

"Thanks, Seth. It's nothing personal, I just need…I need some quiet."

"What about Marissa?" Seth asks, taking a slow step so he can keep his eyes on Ryan.

"Quiet. For a while," Ryan replies. 

"Okay. You going to be okay?" 

"Yeah," Ryan says, his face buried in the pillow.

Seth goes into the kitchen and sits down beside his father at the counter. 

"Where's Ryan?" Sandy asks.

"He needs some time to himself," Seth replies quietly. "He asked if we could leave him alone for a while."

"Is he okay?" Kirsten asks.

Seth shrugs. 

"Now Seth, I don't mind you picking up some of Ryan's habits like studying or cleaning but I really don't like the silent treatment," Kirsten smiles, reassuring.

"He said he needed some quiet," Seth says.

"How are you doing?" Sandy asks.

"I've never seen anything like last night. That kid…he really wanted to kill Ryan. I couldn't hear all that they were saying, I think Ryan was talking quiet so he wouldn't scare us…" Seth's eyes are distant. "He was so cool-headed, like, he wasn't even scared…then the kid got closer and Ryan knocked him down. I don't know why Ryan didn't take him out then, why he didn't just attack…but he stepped back. He gave the guy a chance to get up. Then the cops were everywhere and Ryan was down and…" Seth pauses. "And I never did anything."

"Seth, you called the police, you…" Sandy protests.

"I called the cops because Ryan told me to. I couldn't even think for myself, I had to wait until he told me what to do!" Seth insists.

The patio door opens. "No, you didn't," Summer says, stepping inside. Marissa follows her closely. "You stayed with us. You didn't leave us." She meets Kirsten's gaze. "Seth pushed us behind him and wouldn't let us move. He kept us safe…"

"I should have been helping Ryan…" Seth whispers.

"Yeah, and then you'd have a bullet in you, too," Marissa snaps. "That first bullet is in the side of your Range Rover. If you had moved any closer, it could've been in you. You kept us back far enough that you knew Ryan would control the gunfire." She softens her tone and puts a hand on his arm. "You and Ryan are a team. You can read each other. You did exactly what we needed you to do. You kept us safe, you kept us calm. I know…if you hadn't been there, I probably would have rushed that kid…" 

Seth turns and smiles at her.

"Where's Ryan?" Summer asks, accepting a hug from Kirsten.

"He's resting," Sandy answers after a pause.

"No school today. Why don't you guys go sailing or something? Enjoy this day off instead of spending it worrying?" Sandy suggests.

"Not without Ryan," Seth replies.

"He's had a rough week. He asked for quiet and I don't think he's going to feel like going anywhere today," Kirsten says quietly.

Seth hesitates, glancing at Marissa and Summer.

"Let's just go to the beach for a while," Summer says. "And your parents can call you when Ryan gets up. We'll have lobster and you can roll around on that little piece of wood with wheels on it."

Seth stares at her in disbelief. Kirsten smiles. 

"It's not wood," Marissa states. She turns to Seth. "Is it wood?"

"Whatever," Summer grins, knowing that she is riling Seth up. "Maybe we should give Ryan some space. Get some fresh air."

Seth sighs. Marissa tugs on his sleeve. "Come on. You know you want some lobster from the Crab Shack." He reluctantly gets up.

"Okay kids, have fun," Kirsten smiles. The three friends leave. 

*****

Seth, Marissa and Summer end up returning to the house but staying in the pool house, playing video games and trying not to worry about Ryan. 

Ryan doesn't come out of the guest room all day. Kirsten and Sandy each check on him but he is in the same position as when Seth left him. Lying facedown on the bed. 

Seth finds his parents in the kitchen around nine. Marissa and Summer went home, deciding to attempt school the next day.

"So. Is he still in there?" Seth asks, quietly.

"I still think he's sleeping. He couldn't be just lying there," Kirsten says to Sandy.

"You didn't see him at the hospital, Mom. Not when he was…just lying there for so long…" Seth mutters. "Something's wrong."

Ryan enters the kitchen, yawning. "Hey."

"Hey," Seth says, startled. Ryan pats him on the back before turning to Sandy.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I have a calculus test tomorrow and I probably shouldn't miss it," Ryan says.

"You're asking us if you can go to school?" Sandy asks, surprised.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm still on probation and it won't look good for me to miss this many days. And I have that calc test," Ryan replies.

"I haven't seen you studying your calculus," Kirsten comments.

"It's math," Ryan replies. "You can't study math."

"Calculus is not math," Seth scoffs. "It's like, another language that makes no sense. It doesn't even use numbers."

"You don't even take calculus," Ryan smiles, shoving him.

"We'll see how you feel in the morning," Kirsten suggests.

"I'm okay now." He glances at Seth. "I wasn't okay this morning, but I'm okay now. My arm's down to a dull ache and I didn't tear any stitches getting sick today," Ryan says. 

"You're still pale…" Kirsten replies.

"He lost a couple of pints of blood, Mom, give the kid a few days to get his tan back. He's got, what, calculus, second period? If he starts to fall over, I'll bring him home," Seth attempts.

Sandy looks at Kirsten and shrugs. 

"Are you sure you're ready?" Kirsten asks.

"Yeah. I'm ready. I need to find my way back to normal," Ryan replies. He goes to the refrigerator and gets a bottle of juice.

"Are you hungry?" Sandy asks. 

"Not yet," Ryan hesitates. "I'm kind of nauseous."

"You haven't taken any medicine all day…" Kirsten replies, concerned.

"Oh, it's not the medicine, it's the dreams," Ryan replies evenly. 

The kitchen is silent.

Ryan puts his bottle down and looks at the floor. "They're like night terrors or something, I never went to the doctor or anything 'cause they don't happen that often. I'll have nightmares, sometimes I'll sleepwalk and talk all crazy sometimes they make me physically sick."

"So what do you do to make them stop?" Kirsten asks gently.

"Chill," Ryan replies, meeting her steady gaze. "If I chill out, I don't have the dreams. If I stay off the drugs and chill out then I'll be okay. I've had all day and I'm officially cool." 

Sandy nods, thinking.

"You want to run a game or two?" Ryan asks Seth. 

"Of course. Everything's set up in the pool house," Seth smiles. In a few minutes they are sitting in the floor in front of the TV playing video games.


	8. 8

**__**

AN: Here's a mushy part. I officially suck at writing mushiness, but I am trying to get better. The song that inspired this part is at the end of this, it didn't really fit at the beginning or the end, but I feel like I have to give it it's due since it's the reason for this part. Thanks to Anna for turning me onto Jeff Buckley.

*****

"So you're cool now," Seth states.

"Yeah. Sorry I flipped out, I guess having that gun in my face freaked me out and brought up some old memories," Ryan replies. "I haven't had the nightmare in a long time, dude, I really thought I was over it."

"You have recurring nightmares?" Seth asks, surprised.

"Yeah. Somebody's holding me down, underwater most times and I can't breathe. It's not always the same person but I've never been able to wake up from it without somebody waking me up," Ryan confesses. He gets quiet. He focuses on the game.

"Man, I know that you don't like talking about your past, your family and stuff, but are you going to be okay? I mean, you're all beat up and it just seems like…I mean you were just starting to relax and shit and now you seem to be sinking back into your monosyllabic ways."

Ryan smiles at him slightly. "I'm okay."

"Three syllables. It's a start," Seth snorts.

"I just don't think that my past should have anything to do with my life here. Sure, sometimes things bleed through, like…like I can't seem to stop beating the shit out of people," Ryan says, getting a smile from Seth. "And the dreams, but they…they'll go away."

"Your past doesn't have anything to do with your life here, but it has had an effect on you. The way you act, the way you talk…that's all because of your past," Seth replies.

"What's bringing this on?" Ryan asks.

"I just have a feeling that my parents are going to go all parental on you soon and I think you should be thinking about what you're going to say," Seth replies.

Ryan nods. "The nightmares did it, right?"

"They were a little freaked, Ry. And then with the self-imposed quarantine all day, I think you probably scared everybody."

"I'm sorry," Ryan sighs. 

The room lapses back into silence as they return their concentration to the game. Neither one looks up until they hear the knock on the door to the pool house. Marissa smiles at them.

Ryan waves her in.

"Seth, can I talk to Ryan for a minute?" Marissa asks.

Seth shrugs. He steps outside of the pool house. 

Ryan sets his controller in the floor and starts to get up to greet her but she stops him, getting to her knees beside him.

Her eyes are dark with concern but she doesn't ask him anything, kissing him instead. She starts to kiss him more urgently, holding his face in her hands.

"Marissa…wait…" He manages, breathless as she takes a breath.

"No, I can't…" She replies, resuming her kisses.

"Wait…" Ryan repeats. Her hands are gently traveling down his arms to his hands. 

"I'm tired of waiting," Marissa whispers. She doesn't take her lips from his as she pushes him with his arms against the couch, unknowingly squeezing his wound.

He doesn't cry out but she can tell when he stops responding to her mouth. She leans away. "What?"

"Nothing…" Ryan manages, his blue eyes filled with emotion. He tries to distract her by taking the offending hand in his. "This isn't right…"

"What?" She gasps.

"No, I mean…it's not the right time," Ryan says. Marissa pulls her hand away and feels the sticky of blood. She glances at him, confused and concerned.

Ryan's bandage has bled through again but he is completely focused on Marissa. "Listen. We've got lots of time, okay?"

"Did I hurt you?" She asks quietly.

"No, Marissa…" Ryan whispers. She enfolds him in her arms and holds him tightly. 

"I almost lost you…again…I…I need you, Ryan…" She whispers.

"You didn't lose me. I'm still here. Hey," He pulls away and looks into her eyes. "I'm still here, okay?" He smiles at her slightly and kisses her tenderly. 

Outside, Seth is sitting beside the pool, thinking about his conversation with Ryan.

"She's trying to seduce him," Summer says, startling him. She sits down beside him.

"What?" Seth asks, surprised.

"Marissa. She's trying to seduce Ryan," Summer sighs, stretching out in the pool chair.

"She told you that?"

"Yeah. We're girls, what do you think we talk about?" Summer teases. 

"Believe me, I don't want to know," Seth smiles.

"Sure you do. You're dying to know what we talk about."

"Okay, say I am remotely curious. You're suddenly ready to open the girl-talk vaults and fill me it?" Seth asks.

Summer smirks at him. "Maybe."

"Why me? Why am I the sole man chosen to hear the fabled secrets?" Seth teases. 

"Because." Summer reaches over and takes his hand, surprising Seth. He has been in love with her for as long as he can remember and over the last few days, he's been falling even harder. Still, he is startled by her touch. "Because I trust you."

"You trust me," Seth states.

"Yeah. See, there's this thing about me…I don't trust people that easily. It takes a lot. So…I trust Marissa, she's always been there for me and after the last couple of weeks…I learned to trust Ryan." Summer is quiet for a moment. "And it seems like Ryan has some trust issues of his own and he trusts you unconditionally…even though you always seem to get him into trouble," Summer smiles.

Seth is unsure of what Summer is saying.

"Anyway. Last night…I think it was rough on everyone. It certainly scared the hell out of me, but you…you held it together. You've changed. I think we all have. You're a good man, Seth, one I'd be proud to have by my side…"

Seth is speechless. Finally, he squeezes her hand.

"Seth? We're having a deep conversation here, I'd like it if you were involved…"

"Um…" Seth mumbles.

"Good enough," Summer grins. She sits up and leans over, kissing him gently on the lips. 

"Are you trying to seduce me?" Seth manages to joke.

"Maybe…is it working?" She asks.

"You had me at hello?" He grins. He gently tilts her head and kisses her.

"What's going on out here?" Kirsten's voice startles them and they separate quickly. "Oh."

"Hi, Mom," Seth blushes.

"It's getting late, guys. Where's Ryan?" Kirsten asks, smiling slightly.

Seth and Summer's gaze drifts to the pool house. Through the windows, they see Marissa and Ryan entangled in each other's limbs.

"Uh…" Seth starts, struggling to think of an excuse to keep his mother from going into the pool house.

"We'll get him," Summer volunteers, bolting to the pool house and knocking loudly on the door before entering.

Marissa jumps, rolling off Ryan and they both look at Summer, startled.

"Kirsten says that it's getting late," Summer says, nodding out the window. 

"Oh…" Marissa says, getting to her feet. Ryan is silent, stunned. Marissa hesitates before joining Summer at the door. She doesn't see Kirsten walk up behind Summer. Marissa leans down and takes Ryan's face in her hands again and kisses him. "'Night."

"Good night, Marissa," Kirsten says, hiding her smile as Marissa turns bright red. 

Marissa and Summer scurry off.

"Ryan, if you want to make it to school tomorrow, you should probably try and get some sleep," Kirsten says, stepping inside.

Ryan gets to his feet, turning off the PS2 and turning to her. "It's like I'm in the twilight zone…"

Kirsten smiles at the dazed expression on the teenager's face. "No, just Newport," She replies. 

"So is Ryan officially moving into the house?" Seth asks, giving Ryan an apologetic look when he walks out onto the patio with Kirsten. Ryan glances at him, confused.

"I think he's pretty settled out here, but …" Kirsten responds, clearly not expecting the question. "I'd like him to stay in the guest room tonight in case he…"

"Flips out again?" Seth finishes for her. 

Kirsten glares at her son. Ryan casually walks past them both into the house, successfully avoiding the conversation. Seth shrugs and follows him inside. 

****

__

"…Kiss me,  
Please, kiss me  
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation  
You know, it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time  
I'll only make you cry…"  
-Jeff Buckley


	9. 9

__

AN: Okay. I'm kind of struggling with this now, my muse has been kidnapped by another story but this is what I pounded out over the weekend. Let me know what you think and if you have any ideas. 

Ryan wakes up early and gets ready for school. He changes all his bandages without assistance and then goes into the kitchen. Seth joins him and they start eating their cereal in silence.

"So. I heard Marissa tried to seduce you," Seth states. Ryan chokes on his mouthful of Captain Crunch, surprised.

"Don't ever say that word again. 'Seduce' shouldn't be in your vocabulary," Ryan replies, recovered.

"Summer…she got a little personal last night," Seth grins.

"Yeah?" Ryan asks.

"Oh yeah…" He opens his mouth to explain but stops as Kirsten appears, yawning. 

"Morning. I guess you feel up to going to school," Kirsten says to Ryan.

He nods. "Calculus."

"Go ahead, Mom, and give me the lecture that I should be more like Ryan and take more 'challenging' classes," Seth jokes.

"I want you to take it easy, okay? If you get too tired, I want you to let Seth know. Sandy and I spoke with the principal last night and she knows that Seth has permission to bring you home if you get too tired," She says to Ryan after smacking Seth on the back of the head, playfully.

Ryan nods. 

"It's nice to see you eating again. You want something for pain, Ryan?" Kirsten offers. 

"That's okay. It's not that bad today," Ryan replies.

Kirsten makes small talk with them in the kitchen until Seth gets tired of her motherly attention and gets his stuff for school. Seth chatters the entire way about Summer.

"You should get Marissa to carry your books for you," Seth says as they walk into the building.

Ryan glares at him, good-naturedly. "Why don't you carry my books?"

"Shit, I'm not your boyfriend," Seth jokes. Ryan ends up stowing most of his things in his locker before heading to his first class early to try and catch up. He is poring over his history notes when he glances up and sees Luke pulling a desk close to his.

"Hey," Luke says. 

"Hey," Ryan replies, surprised. 

Luke keeps his voice low. "Did something happen?"

"What are you talking about," Ryan asks, confused.

"You weren't here yesterday. Nobody saw Summer or Marissa or Cohen. The kid's back in jail and…" Luke whispers.

"What did his brother say?" Ryan asks.

"He's not talking. To anybody. So whatever happened must have been pretty serious."

"Ryan?" 

Luke and Ryan both jump at the sound of Marissa's voice.

"Everything okay?" She asks, worry in her eyes.

"Yeah…" Ryan starts.

"Your arm?" She interrupts.

"It's fine," Ryan replies. Luke watches the exchange with interest, not speaking. 

"Luke," Marissa acknowledges his presence. 

"Hey, Marissa. I was asking Ryan if anything happened with the kid that was after Summer," Luke explains quietly. 

"You didn't hear?" Marissa asks, surprised.

"Hear what?" Luke asks. "None of you guys were here yesterday."

"The guy showed up Monday night," Marissa says, kneeling beside Ryan's desk. Several kids just coming into class regard the three of them with surprise. 

"What happened?" Luke asks, keeping his voice low so the filling room can't hear.

"There was a…a scuffle…" Ryan mutters.

"He had a gun and he shot Ryan," Marissa adds.

"The bastard shot you? Shit, man…what are you doing here?" Luke asks, startled.

"I'm on probation, I can't miss all these days," Ryan admits.

Luke's eyes drift to Marissa. "Were you there?"

"Yeah. Nobody else got hurt," Marissa says, glancing at Ryan.

"Damn…I didn't think it was that bad…no wonder Jerry won't talk to anyone about it…" Luke sighs. He meets Ryan's eyes for a moment. "I guess going after him wasn't that good of an idea."

"He got me anyway," Ryan whispers. 

"You guys weren't seriously going after him, were you? Ryan?" Marissa whispers, startled.

Luke glances at Ryan for a beat. 

"It was a passing thought," Ryan replies. "It's over now."

Marissa doesn't get a chance to reply as the bell rings. 

Ryan stays busy with classes for the rest of the day. He doesn't even see his friends for lunch because of an impromptu meeting with the principal and a guidance counselor to discuss possible 'post-traumatic stress' factors. By the end of the day, he's exhausted. He can barely carry his overstuffed backpack away from his locker to the parking lot. 

"…Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth  
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt  
Still a little hard to say what's going on…"

-Damien Rice "Cannonball"  


"Hey. You look like you're about to fall over," Marissa says, walking up behind him and steadying him with a hand on his lower back.

"Then I look better than I feel," Ryan replies honestly. 

She hooks her fingers through the belt loops of his jeans and pulls him close to her.

"Marissa, wait," Ryan hesitates, turning his face away as she starts to kiss him. 

"What?" She asks.

"This. Us. What are we doing? We can't do this here," Ryan replies, his voice shaky.

"Why?" Marissa gasps.

"Do I have to list all the reasons? Luke. Your mother…"

"My mother and Luke can go to hell. I'm not ashamed of you, Ryan. I'm not slumming…" Marissa replies, quietly, still linked to him by his belt loops.

"You barely know me…" Ryan says.

"I know you, Ryan. Look…we've both had a rough couple of months and we've made it through. Why shouldn't we be together?" Marissa asks.

Ryan hesitates. 

"What are you afraid of?" Marissa whispers. 

Ryan turns away, his eyes are pools of emotion. "God…I want you so bad, Marissa…but…"  
"But what? Hey," She urges. "Talk to me."

"I…I'm not good for you, Marissa…I'm not good…" Ryan starts.

"Stop it. I won't listen to you get down on yourself!" She releases him and he takes several steps back, dropping his backpack. "You're just as good as all these other people," She says.

"That's not what I'm talking about, Marissa…I can't…I just can't…" He says, turning away. She catches his arm and he flinches in pain.

"Don't run, Ryan…" She says. He stops. He takes a deep breath.

"I care about you, Marissa…more than I've cared for anyone in a long time." He takes her hands but doesn't let her embrace him. "It's like you're in my blood…it's like I've been waiting my whole life to meet you…"

She doesn't say anything, waiting for him to continue.

"But I've got a lot of baggage…"He begins.

"I don't care," Marissa interrupts. "Don't you know that by now? I don't care about any of that. I care about you. That's all."

Ryan meets her eyes, hesitant.

"I don't care about it, Ryan. I know everything I need to know about you. I know you have issues and you know…I have issues, too. That's why I think we might have a chance," Marissa says. "Don't you want to give us a chance?"

He doesn't answer. 

"Ryan?" Marissa calls, trying to get him to look at her. 

He pulls her close to him and kisses her deeply. He doesn't let her take a breath for several minutes. When they separate, Summer and Seth are standing nearby, watching them. 

"Unexpected PDA, huh," Summer mutters, surprised. 

"Oops…" Marissa says to Ryan, apologetic.

"How long have you guys been there?" Ryan asks, separating himself from Marissa and dragging his backpack to Seth's side.

"Long enough. You ready?" Seth asks, looking concerned.

"Yeah. I'll see you guys later," Ryan says, climbing into the Range Rover before Marissa or Summer can react.

"Not smooth," Seth scolds, shutting the door. 

"What?" Ryan asks, concealing his shaky hands.

"You didn't even say goodbye to her," Seth says.

"Yes I did," Ryan replies. Seth starts the truck and puts it in drive. It rolls a few yards before Ryan swings open the door and steps out beside Marissa and Summer. He embraces Marissa in a swift hug, kissing her surprised mouth. 

"Better?" He asks.

"What?" Marissa asks, confused.

"Yeah, come on, you freak!" Seth yells. Ryan hops back in the truck and Seth pulls away. "What's up with you?" 

"Huh?" Ryan questions.

"Summer and I heard you guys, before you came to your senses and all. You turned her down, man. You almost lost what you want most."

"What are you talking about?" Ryan asks slowly.

"Marissa. Why are you hesitating? It's obvious that you're in love with her…"

"Seth, come on, man, you know how hard it's going to be for us to be together…I don't want to put her through that," Ryan replies, honestly.

"So you're protecting her from yourself? What the fuck kind of sense do they teach you in Chino?" Seth remarks. 

Ryan is silent. He leans his head against the window and closes his eyes.

"Ryan? So you're not talking to me now?" Seth says. He sighs.

"You don't understand," Ryan says finally.

"You're right, I don't. Explain it to me," Seth snaps.

Ryan turns to him, his eyes unreadable. "We just tried that, remember? You made it pretty clear that you don't understand."

Seth regrets his harsh tone. "Ryan, I didn't mean it like that, man…"

"Whatever. I'm fucking tired."

Seth parks the truck and Ryan immediately climbs out with his backpack.

"Wait, Ry, come on," Seth calls.

"I'm fucking tired. I'll see you later," Ryan mutters, disappearing behind the house. 

Ryan drops his bag in the pool house and then sits down beside it. His body has never failed him before but he feels like he's going to collapse. He is shaking and dizzy. He would rather attribute it this battered body than to his nerves. He pulls out a book not bothering to get off the floor. He starts on his homework to distract himself from Marissa and Seth. He'll push his thoughts to the back of his mind so he can focus on his homework. As an afterthought, he reaches over and grabs his headphones. He focuses on the easy stuff. Homework is simple, he can always find the answers and usually there's only one correct one. Not like life. He doesn't think he's ever had the right answers to the questions he's run into. That's why his dad and brother are in jail and his mother hates him. That's why he's on probation and beaten. 

Ryan shudders. He focuses on his homework


	10. 10

__

AN: Sorry about the italics last chapter. Here's a little more. One day I might be able to write a story without so much Ryan-abuse, but I don't know. Thanks for all the encouragement. I'm really trying to work on some of my older stuff so hopefully this chapter will satisfy the many people asking me for more of this! Still don't own them.

__

"…and fire's a beautiful sound…"

--Something Corporate

Ryan finishes his homework finally. He's exhausted. Physically, his entire body is wracked with pain. He can't hold a pen anymore, his muscles are rejecting him. He leans back, his books and notebook falling off the bed into the floor.

"Everything okay in here?" Sandy sticks his head through the door. "I saw your light on. It's almost three a.m. You must be exhausted."

"Can't sleep," Ryan replies hoarsely.

"Kirsten says you aren't taking your pain pills," Sandy says, sitting down and gathering Ryan's things in a tidy stack.

Ryan doesn't respond.

"They're doctor-prescribed. You shouldn't be worried…"

"I worry. Drugs…I don't like them…I like them less than hospitals," Ryan murmurs.

"Do you feel like…will you try to talk to me, Ryan?"

Ryan meets Sandy's gaze with clouded eyes. "I don't know what you expect me to talk to you about."

"What's going on in your head, Ryan? You just went through something that I…something that you never should have gone through…" Sandy stops talking, seeing a response brewing in Ryan's eyes.

"I've seen people die, Sandy…I've had guns pointed at me by people that I loved…people that should never want to hurt me…" He pauses. "I've been shot before…but I've never…I've never had people behind me…like Seth…Marissa and Summer…And you and Kirsten…it's like…it's never mattered whether I lived or died before…"

"Ryan…" Sandy has lost all color in his face.

"When my Dad went to jail, it's like he stopped existing. We never mentioned him. And one of my Mom's boyfriends, Brandon…I came home one day and he was blue in the corner. Trey and Mom were just staring at him. He had been dead for like, hours…"

"Okay, Ryan…" Sandy nods, seeing how affected Ryan is by his words. 

"But now…it's like…you guys were there for me…it's like you really care…and I…I don't know exactly how to handle that…" Ryan murmurs, covering his face with his hand.

"Ryan, we love you. Kirsten and I consider you our son. And Seth…"

"He doesn't understand…he's doesn't understand that I don't know how to do this…I don't know how to be what…I don't know if…" Ryan says desperately. 

"Ryan…you don't have to prove anything to us, okay?" Sandy says urgently. "This isn't a job, this isn't a chore…all you have to do is be yourself…"

"Who am I, Sandy?" Ryan asks suddenly. "Seth thinks I'm this wise dude that knows what I'm doing…he thinks I'm cool or something and you…you think I'm smart and that I'm special…you think I'm like you…and Marissa…I just…I don't think I can do this…"

"Ryan. I know you can do this. You have to trust yourself before you can trust anyone else, right?" Sandy says, smiling to reassure him.

"Sandy…"

"Ryan, do you trust me?"

Ryan hesitates. For the first time, Sandy sees how vulnerable and delicate Ryan really is. "Okay. Sure. Let's say I trust you."

"I want you to rest. I promise you that tomorrow will be better. You'll feel better and everything will be okay. Maybe not tomorrow, but one day. I promise."

Ryan nods solemnly, his face returning to the familiar stone. 

"You're hurting. Will you take something? For me?" Sandy asks, quietly.

"Since I'm being all honest…I really don't want to. The pain…it's the only thing that's familiar…" Ryan says. He lowers his voice. "My whole family…they're junkies…"

Sandy lowers his eyes. "I don't want you to be in pain. The fact that you recognize that you might potentially have a problem says to me that you're mature enough to take the medication."

Ryan searches his face. 

Sandy meets his gaze. "You need to sleep."

He nods. "Okay. I…I'll take something. So I can sleep."

"If you don't mind…I'll stay with you. So you won't sleepwalk."

"You don't have to…" Ryan says immediately.

"Yes, I do," Sandy replies quietly. 

"Okay."

"Do you have any tests tomorrow?"

"No."

"Come on. I want you to try and eat something before I give you anything," Sandy says, standing up. Ryan accepts his offered hand and follows him into the house. 

Seth is sitting at the counter in his sweats, eating cereal. He nods to his father and coughs when he sees Ryan following him.

Ryan sits down beside Seth, meeting his curious gaze. "Hey."

"Hey."

"Sorry about today. I'm a little…out of it," Ryan says quietly.

"It's okay. And it was like yesterday anyway, so…" Seth murmurs. 

"Can we just be cool? Like…I'm cool if you are."

Seth nods, accepting instantly. "Yeah. Of course."

Sandy sets a bowl of soup in front of Ryan. 

"What are you still doing up?" Sandy asks his son.

"I was hungry. What about you?" Seth asks in return. Ryan eats his soup in silence.

"Checking up on our accident prone pool boy," Sandy smiles.

"Sandy!" Kirsten's voice is scolding despite Ryan and Seth's honest smile at the joke. "What are you guys doing? It's three a.m. for god's sake…" She goes immediately to the counter and takes a spoon, tasting the leftover soup that Sandy was feeding to Ryan. 

"Why am I eating cereal and you guys get soup? How is that fair?" Seth asks suddenly. 

Ryan looks at him, amused. They silently nod and trade bowls. 

"Ryan, cereal is not the healthiest thing…" Kirsten starts as Sandy laughs quietly at their exchange.

"You didn't say anything when I was eating it," Seth replies. 

"Cereal's like…it's like my favorite food," Ryan mumbles. "Especially when it's all soggy…it's like soup."

"I hate it when it gets all soggy…" Seth replies. 

"You guys both have serious food issues," Sandy says suddenly. "But now I want some cereal."

***** 

Ryan accepts the pain medication from Sandy and sleeps soundly in the guest room. He doesn't dream this time, he's too exhausted. When he wakes up, it's daytime. He gets up and goes into the kitchen. 

"Hey," He says to Kirsten. 

"Hey. No school for you today. Seth took your homework in for you."

"I really shouldn't miss any more school…"

"Actually, the principal suggested it."

Ryan tilts his head at her, curious as he sits down at the counter. 

"Extenuating circumstances," She says quietly. 

"Like what?"

"The boy…the boy that attacked you…he's out."

"What?" Ryan pauses. "I mean…but…"

"Ryan. Are you okay?"

"He shot me, Mrs. Cohen. That kid shot me and he's walking around town. I don't think I'm okay with that." He gets up from the counter.

"Where are you going?" She asks, concerned.

"I'm going to lie down in the pool house."

"I'm going to be here all day, Ryan. You won't be alone…"

"Where's Summer?" Ryan asks suddenly.

"She's upstairs, Ryan," Kirsten replies.

"Her parents are still not home?"

"They're unreachable." Summer steps out, yawning. She embraces him and searches his face. "You're mad."

"What?"

"Kirsten told you that the kid got out, didn't she…you know you can't do anything…" Summer starts.

"Summer. I couldn't hurt a kitten right now. I'm mad, sure, but I'm not stupid," Ryan replies quietly. 

"He won't try anything. I mean, he's going to go to jail for shooting you, he wouldn't be stupid enough to come after you again," Summer says. 

Ryan flinches suddenly, thinking of the boy. Kirsten sees it and immediately goes to his side. Summer takes his arm.

"He knows Seth and Marissa because they were there the other night. They shouldn't be alone…" Ryan says quietly, his eyes clouded. 

"There are officers at the school…" Kirsten replies.

"Then why aren't we there, too?"

"You're exhausted, Ryan. Sandy and I decided to let you sleep in today because it was the first sound sleep you've had in weeks."

"I won't hide from him," Ryan states suddenly. His blue eyes are cold. 

"Ryan. Come on…" Summer says quietly, stunned by his sudden change in demeanor. She glances at Kirsten worriedly.

Ryan sighs heavily, his anger being replaced by defeat. "I am tired."

"Let's go to the pool house. Come on, Ryan…" Summer pulls him out of the house.

Ryan doesn't speak. He sits down on the bed and Summer sits beside him, embracing him impulsively. 

"This is all my fault…" She whispers. She's crying.

He puts his arms around her. "This isn't your fault. It's his fault. I won't let him hurt you…"

"What about you? Look what he's done to you because of me already…"

"This is beyond you now, Summer. This is between me and him…" Ryan whispers. 

"I don't want you to get hurt. Marissa would never get over it. And Cohen…"

"Don't worry. I'm not going to do anything stupid."

She sniffles, pulling away. "Promise?"

"Sure."

"Ryan."

"I promise, Summer," Ryan smiles. 

***** 

Luke brings Seth and Marissa home from school. The police were worried about Seth driving the Range Rover in case the kid wanted to follow them home. Ryan is sleeping and Summer and Kirsten are burning food in the kitchen when they arrive. 

Both Seth and Marissa are pale. They don't respond to Kirsten's hello.

"The kid was at school today," Luke tells Kirsten. "Just for a second before his brother spotted him and dragged him off campus."

"Luke knows the boy's brother and he's been keeping us updated," Marissa explains.

"I don't think we should tell Ryan," Seth says suddenly. 

"I'm calling Sandy," Kirsten says.

"You have to tell him," Luke says to Seth and Marissa. "He has to be on the look out…"

"He flipped out a little when Kirsten told him that the kid was out. But I think you should tell him," Summer offers. 

"That's two for telling and two against. We have a tie," Marissa says. The four teenagers are facing each other and Kirsten has walked away, talking on the phone to her husband about the latest development. None of them see the figure walk across the patio into the pool house.


	11. 11

__

AN: Here's another chapter because I hate cliffhangers. 

__

"I'll swallow poison until I grow immune…

I will scream my lungs out 'til it fills this room…

How much difference does it make…"

--Pearl Jam

Ryan wakes up with hands around his throat. He gasps for breath but the arms squeeze tighter. He is pinned to the bed. 

"Yeah, wake up you fucker…" The boy hisses, his breath sour on Ryan's face. Ryan struggles but the lack of air to the lungs starts to affect him. His vision is spotty with flashes of dark.

"I want to see your eyes when you die…" His hands leave Ryan's throat for an instant and Ryan gasps desperately as something sharp and cold slides into his stomach. It's cold. The pain paralyzes him as the boy puts his hands back around his throat, sticky with Ryan's blood. 

"Look at me…come on, you fucker, look at me!!"

Ryan meets the boy's crazed eyes for an instant and cries out as the knife is pulled out and held up for Ryan to see.

"You've definitely been a challenge but guess what…I win…" The boy hisses, raising the knife again. "Look at me, motherfucker! I want to watch you when you die!"

A piercing scream breaks the boy's concentration and he hesitates, turning to see where the sound is coming from. Luke and Seth tackle him off the bed, knocking the knife away. 

"Ryan…Ryan…" Marissa is beside him on the bed. He vaguely registers her pressing on his wound with her perfect hands. Summer is still screaming and Kirsten is approaching the struggling boys with a tazer in one hand and a phone in the other. 

Ryan can feel his insides coming apart. He can't talk because he thinks blood will come spilling from his mouth. He thinks blood must be coming from everywhere. His ears. His eyes. His nose. He feels like he's sinking and Summer's scream is deafening him. He's melting into blood. There's nothing left of him…

"Ryan…please say something…" Marissa pleads, shaking him desperately.

"Summer, shut up!" Luke yells, holding the boy's arms behind him.

"I killed him…he knows it's true…" The boy snarls. Kirsten zaps him into unconsciousness as the police rush in, led by Rosa. 

Ryan raises a bloody hand to his face. The blood is making him too heavy. He can't get up. His hand loses strength and falls with a splash against his soggy abdomen.

"Baby…baby, look at me!" Marissa says. Summer stops screaming and sways unsteadily. An officer helps her sit down as she starts to sob. 

"I'm sorry…" Ryan manages, putting a bloody hand against her cheek. Kirsten's face fills his vision suddenly as everything starts to spin. 

"Just relax, sweetie…everything's going to be okay…" Kirsten's voice is calming.

"I'm so sorry…" Ryan coughs, his vision going red. 

"Ryan, just hang on, baby…don't be sorry, just hang on…"  
"I'm too tired…just let me go…" Ryan gasps.

"No! Ryan, look at me…look at me, Ryan…" Marissa screams.

"I'm sorry…I'm tired…" He can't keep his eyes open. He wishes that he could see Marissa's face but he's too tired.

***** 

_"They said you did a good thing. They said you got hurt protecting some girl. I didn't know that when I came last time. I'm sorry, baby. If you were still with me, none of this would have happened. You're a good kid. I never told you that enough. You're a good kid."_

"Mom?" 

"Shh…go back to sleep, baby."

***** 

"They gave the girls something to make them sleep. Jimmy's with them. I wish we could get Seth to go…" Sandy is saying.

"It's been three days, Sandy, and he hasn't woken up yet…" Kirsten's voice is laced with exhaustion.

"At least Seth's eating. He's so upset, honey, I can't make him leave…" Sandy adds.

"Okay. I'm recaffeinated. Your turn," Seth says, a door closing.

Ryan wishes he could open his eyes but they feel glued closed. He's never been this tired. 

***** 

"Did he really die, Marissa?" Luke's voice is low.

"For a few minutes. I thought my heart stopped, too…I can't lose him…not like this…" Marissa is crying.

"Don't cry…he's alive…" Summer is crying too. 

Ryan can't open his eyes. He tries. He can't speak. He's so tired. 

***** 

"His dad called. From prison," Sandy whispers.

"Really?" Kirsten yawns.

"Said he hasn't seen Ryan since he was eleven. Hasn't had any contact but that he was so proud from what he saw on the news that he had to make sure he was okay," Sandy replies.

Ryan is startled but he doesn't have the energy to speak. He opens his eyes but Sandy and Kirsten are focused on each other. 

"What did you tell him?"

"That Ryan was okay. That's all I told him. I don't respect a man that would abandon a kid like Ryan. He doesn't deserve that…"

Ryan smiles and his eyes drift closed again.

***** 

Ryan wakes up with a jolt. He opens his eyes and slowly examines his surroundings, disorientated. A hospital room. He glances to his right, sitting up painfully, and sees Seth and Sandy sleeping in chairs. 

He reaches out weakly and grabs a box of Kleenex off the table beside his bed, careful not to disturb the IV in his hand. He throws it and hits Seth in the face, jolting him awake. Ryan laughs weakly at Seth's confused expression.

"Dude. That's so not cool…" Seth smiles. Sandy wakes up at the sound of Seth's voice. 

"What's going on?" Ryan asks, his voice hoarse. 

"Your throat's sore because you had a tube down your throat for a while. How do you feel?" Sandy asks, relief on his face. 

"Not dead. But that's saying a lot considering that fucking kid stuck a sword in my guts," Ryan mutters. "How long have I been out?"

"A while. You had us pretty worried…"

Ryan puts a hand to his head. Dizzy and tired. "What am I on?"

Sandy looks at him puzzled. 

"Morphine," Seth answers, interpreting Ryan's question.

"Nice."

Seth smiles at him. "It's so nice to see you conscious, dude…"

"It's nice to be conscious."

Kirsten walks in with coffee. "You guys awake?" She asks, not even glancing at Ryan's bed. 

"Yeah, actually," Seth says, watching Ryan curiously.

She sets the cups down on the window and when she turns around, Ryan tosses an empty cup from the table beside him and it bounces off her head, shocking her. Ryan and Sandy laugh at her expression. Seth joins them saying, "You're right, that is pretty funny…"

Ryan accepts her gentle embrace as she smiles. 

Ryan is only awake a few more minutes before the drugs take him back to sleep. 


	12. 12

***** 

Ryan cries out in his sleep. Kirsten jolts awake. The nurses had restrained him earlier when they couldn't wake him from a nightmare. The painkillers are keeping him in a dazed state when he's awake but they keep him locked in his nightmares.

"Ryan? Ryan, sweetie, wake up…" Kirsten urges, not touching him. She is relieved when he slowly opens his eyes and blinks at her. 

"Hey," He smiles. "You look tired."

"You, too," She replies. "How do you feel?"

"Tired."

"Are you in pain?" 

Ryan turns his head away, avoiding her question. "Can you untie me for a minute?"

Kirsten leans forward and unstraps his wrists. He takes her hand and sits up slightly, embracing her. She returns his hug, surprised.

"Thanks," He whispers. "Thanks for staying."

"We wouldn't leave you hear all alone…"

"I feel like there's a bull's-eye painted on my chest," He says, relaxing against the bed. 

"You had us pretty scared. What do you remember?" Kirsten asks.

"He stabbed me. I think…Seth and Luke ran past me and pulled him off and then…hospital."

"You asked us to let you go. You said you were tired."

"I don't remember," Ryan replies quietly. 

"You had us pretty scared," Kirsten repeats. 

"Sorry. I was pretty scared, too."

"I know you're not yourself, Ryan…but…you weren't fighting back when that kid was with you…"

"I woke up and he was on me, Kirsten. When he stabbed me…it fucking hurt…I couldn't do anything…I didn't have time to think or to fight…" Ryan whispers.

"Ryan, I'm sorry…" Kirsten apologizes.

"Despite what Seth or Summer might tell you, I'm not a superhero…" Ryan mutters.

"I'm sorry, Ryan…I just thought…"

"I don't want to die. I'm dead tired, though. But I don't want to die," Ryan whispers. There is a tense silence. "Can you tie me back down?"

"We can leave the restraints off," Kirsten starts. 

"You know I'll have nightmares. You should try and sleep. It's okay," Ryan smiles. She reluctantly refastens the restraints as Ryan closes his eyes.

***** 

__

"…You are secondhand smoke…"

--Brand New

Ryan doesn't recognize the voice as he floats back toward consciousness.

"This is unacceptable. I want you to make sure that that kid never sees the light of day again. I don't care what you have to do but I want him in jail for the rest of his natural life," The voice orders.

"Caleb…" Sandy starts. 

Ryan opens his eyes. Caleb is speaking into a cell phone. Sandy and Seth are watching the older man, startled.

"The kid was released from jail twice after assaulting my grandson…" Caleb is saying. He pauses. "Deal? Good."

"What's up?" Ryan asks, breaking the silence as Caleb lowers his cellular phone to his side.

"Hey, sleepyhead…" Sandy starts.

"Dad, who says sleepyhead anymore?" Seth scolds, smiling at Ryan.

"What's going on? What are you doing here?" Ryan asks Caleb directly. In the months since Ryan started living with the Cohens, Caleb Nichols has made no secret of his disapproval. Caleb has even pulled Ryan aside on several occasions to personally voice his reservations about him. 

"Caleb just came by to see how you were doing…" Sandy starts.

"I was wrong about you, Ryan," Caleb begins, glaring at Sandy.

"Save it. I don't want to know. I don't want you here," Ryan replies. Ryan meets Caleb's steady gaze.

"I just came to see if you were okay…" Caleb starts.

"You've made it pretty clear that you don't care what happens to me. You should go," Ryan replies.

Caleb nods finally. He gives Seth a quick hug and leaves the room.

"I thought…I thought you and my grandpa were cool," Seth says quietly to Ryan.

"Everything's fine, Seth. I just…I don't want him here right now…" Ryan replies.

Sandy follows Caleb out without speaking.

"No, dude, that was definitely something. When did he tell you that he didn't care what happened to you?" Seth continues.

"Seth, it's not important…" Ryan sighs.

"It is important," Seth replies seriously.

"He's your grandfather. He's family…" Ryan says.

"So are you. Well, you're not my grandfather but…" Seth starts.

"He doesn't like me, okay? He's talked to me a few times and he's made that pretty clear. That's it. I don't want him near me while I'm in this hospital," Ryan replies. "Can we drop it?"

"Okay. How do you feel?" Seth asks, softening his tone.

"I'm pissed off so I must be getting better," Ryan answers. "Can I ask the question that I haven't asked yet?" 

"You're getting discharged possibly today or tomorrow," Seth answers with a relieved grin. 

"No shit? Thank god…even though I've been asleep for, like, the whole time," Ryan replies. 

"Well, you've had a rough month," Seth replies.

"I don't even want to think about it…" Ryan says. "I just…I want to go home, you know? Again."

"It won't be that much longer. You did really well this time, you haven't freaked out at all…"

"Yeah, I'm getting a little too used to being in the hospital."

"Marissa and Summer have been by a few times, Ryan. You've been asleep but they wanted me to tell you…" Seth begins.

"Are they okay?"

"They're a little shaken up…but I think everyone is. We almost lost you, like…really this time…"

"Dude, I got shot, like, last week…" Ryan smiles.

"But this time…like…we saw you stop breathing," Seth whispers. "The paramedics started doing CPR but it was still…you were…"

"I'm sorry, Seth. I'm sorry…" Ryan replies.

"It's not your fault, it's that kid's fault, but…he won't get out of jail again, Ryan. Dad and Mom, they're making sure of that."

"It's cool. I just want to go home and get some real sleep. I'm so tired of waking up with hands on me, or with restraints holding me down…I just want to get some fucking rest…" Ryan remarks.

"I'm sure that can be arranged," Seth replies. 

***** 

They release Ryan the next day and Sandy and Kirsten take him home from the hospital. The driveway is empty and Ryan is relieved. He is exhausted and wants to lie down and not have to face Seth, Marissa or Summer. 

When they walk into the kitchen, Summer, Seth and Marissa are standing around a birthday cake with Ryan's name on it.

"Oh shit…what day is it?" Ryan asks, startled. Sandy helps him to a seat.

"It's your birthday. I told you he forgot," Marissa smiles. 

"Summer was all pissed that you hadn't said anything about it but Marissa swore that you forgot," Seth says.

"I forgot…with everything's that been going on…" Ryan replies, honestly.

Marissa embraces him. "Welcome home. Happy birthday."

"You made it to seventeen," Kirsten smiles. 

"Let's hope it gets a little easier," Ryan replies. Seth sets the sparkling cake in front of Ryan. "Those are the candles that you can't blow out."

"No, they're not."

"They're sparking, Seth. That's not funny," Ryan replies.

"Just blow them out, cripple," Seth teases.

Ryan sighs but takes a deep breath, blowing out the candles for a split second before they relight.

"See? Not funny, Cohen," Summer laughs at stern expression on Ryan's face for Seth's benefit. 

"Okay, bad idea, sorry…but there's cake!" Seth says, taking the cake away and pulling off the sparking candles and dropping them into the sink.

"Thanks, guys. For remembering my birthday and all this…" Ryan starts.

"Okay, guys. Ryan's still really tired so you guys be gentle, okay?" Sandy says, walking with Kirsten onto the back porch. 

"Ryan. I'm glad you're home. You look better…" Summer says. 

"I feel better. How about some cake?" Ryan asks.

***** 


	13. 13

***** 

Ryan's energy wanes shortly after he takes a bite of his birthday cake. Summer and Marissa are chattering animatedly but Seth is watching Ryan. 

"What's up?" Seth asks quietly.

"I'm tired, man. I'm dead tired," Ryan replies honestly. 

"You want to go lie down?" Seth asks, hesitantly.

"Yeah," Ryan whispers, pushing the barely touched cake away from him.

"The poolhouse is under construction so you'll be crashing in the guest room for a while," Seth explains.

"What's going on?" Marissa questions as the girls focus their attention on Ryan again.

"Nothing dramatic. Ryan's just tired," Seth says before they smother him. 

Ryan stands up and wavers slightly. Seth steadies him instinctively but lets him go once he recovers.

"Thanks," Ryan murmurs. They follow him to the guestroom. 

"You want me to get Kirsten?" Summer offers.

"I'm just going to crash, guys…I'm sorry…" Ryan says, sitting down on the bed with drooping eyelids. 

"Don't be sorry. Just get better," Marissa replies. Ryan lies down and Summer and Marissa drape a blanket across him. Before they can go on, they realize that Ryan is asleep. They leave the door half open and step into the living room. 

"He looks so pale," Marissa says quietly. Summer nods. 

"He's home, guys. The kid's in jail and Ryan's home. Everything's going to be okay, all right?" Seth says, embracing both girls in a hug.

"You promise?" Summer whispers.

"Yes. I do. Come on, there's cake in the kitchen waiting for us," Seth smiles and leads them into the kitchen.

***** 

When Ryan wakes up, the house is quiet. He stretches carefully and climbs out of bed, acknowledging Summer asleep on the loveseat in the guest room. He's still tired but his brain is working too fast for him to lie in bed. He slowly makes his way to the kitchen. 

"Hey. What are you doing up?" Sandy asks, surprised to see him.

"It feels like I've been in bed for weeks," Ryan sighs, sitting down at the counter.

"You've had a rough couple of weeks. I'm sorry, Ryan. I never wanted you to get hurt…" Sandy says. 

"I know. It's not your fault. That kid's crazy. This is all his fault." Ryan pauses. "I'm still glad that I was there." 

"You're glad…" Sandy starts.

"I'm glad that he didn't get the chance to hurt Summer," Ryan rephrases. He lowers his voice. "These kids around here…they're pretty delicate, you know? Me, I've been getting beat down since I could walk…these kids…they've never been exposed to evil before. I mean, Summer's got a shitty home life, her parents still haven't shown up but…I doubt that anyone's ever laid a hand on her. I hope not."

Sandy put a hand on Ryan's shoulder. "No one should ever hurt you, Ryan."

"I know. I know that my life pre-Newport was dysfunctional with a capital D, but its over now. I just want to get well and move on. Move on from all of this," Ryan responded. "I'd hate for my extra-curricular activity to be 'near-death experiences', you know?"

Sandy smiled. "I know. Are you hungry?"

"Nah. I just want to be awake for a while. That's it," Ryan said. 

"You can go play games in the den if you want," Sandy suggested.

"Thanks."

Ryan slowly walks into the den and sits down on the couch. He doesn't reach for the controller, instead he leans back on the couch. Within minutes, he is asleep. He wakes up later and finds Summer and Seth asleep beside him with the game controllers in their hands. Summer's head is leaning on Seth's shoulder and Seth's head is leaning against Ryan's shoulder. Ryan smiles and doesn't disturb them. He closes his eyes and lets himself rest. His family is nearby and he has nothing to fear anymore. 


End file.
